Sex Mistakes Women Make: The Beginning

A while back I wrote a couple of pieces on the mistakes that men make during sex with women. Now I want to cover mistakes that women make when fucking men. What? Women make mistakes? That’s crazy talk right? I mean what could we possibly do wrong? Plenty. I’m only going to cover three of the biggiest.

Mistake #1 – Initiating sex

You don’t do it. You simply don’t initiate any action at all. You wait until he wants it and if he doesn’t want it when you do – you get upset. Unless you’re dating a psychic, he’s not a fucking mind reader. You need to be a less passive partner. Men like to know they are desired by you as much as you like knowing you’re wanted by them. Despite the bravado, which is often a front – men can be a bit insecure as well. Let them know you want to fuck their brains out and it will make sex hotter for both of you.

Now you’re thinking…great how do I do that?

Use your words, your eyes, your body and leave the mind reading for the shysters.  Tell your man you want him in his hear or text him while he’s in the room with you, show him by talking dirty and caressing him thru his pants. I send dirty stories starring me to my man to get him heated up while he’s working. Then I’d text him naked pics of myself so he’d be hot and ready to go by the time he got home from work. Plenty of times “Hi honey, I’m home” didn’t get said until after he blew a load. sexting-3_0.png

Whatever it is – the key is to DO SOMETHING. If you are at home you can show him by avoiding Mistake #2.

Mistake #2 – Hiding Your Body

Men are visual – much more than women. So the thing that you should absolutely be doing is GETTING NAKED in front of your man. Stop focusing on all your flaws real or imagined  and try really hard to remember one very important thing. The man you are hiding your body from wants to fuck your brains out. That means he’s hot for you and your body. Nothing will get a man harder than actually seeing what you are covering up. So seriously…stop doing that!!! Show him the goods. Flaunt your body. Undress slowly. You can initiate sex by simply disrobing in front of him while staring into his eyes and smiling. Fuck him with the lights on and stop telling him all the reasons you are not hot. It’s a turn off. Shut your mouth, peel off your clothes, walk over to him and kiss him. He’ll take it from there.

Mistake #3 – Experimentation Vapors

You’ve been together for a while and your honey says to you – let’s try something new. You are not under any obligation to say yes, especially if what he’s suggesting turns you off. But you don’t need to freak out and start a fight over it either. Also, suggesting something new isn’t an insult to you, so don’t take it that way. It’s actually a compliment. It means that he feels comfortable enough with you and your relationship, that he’s willing to open up about other things that turn him on. Again, you are under no obligation to try it but you definitely should consider it unless it sounds super painful or the idea completely turns you off.  Relationships are a two-way street – and if you want him to do for you, you should be willing to do for him too.

The most important thing to remember is not to make him feel bad about opening up to you.  If you do, he’ll stop opening up and your relationship will eventually fizzle.

So there you have it some of the biggest mistakes women make with men in the bedroom.

Arousal for women begins in the brain but for men it begins with the eyes… they are more visual than women. It doesn’t make them less than us, it makes them different. So our approach to satisfying a man has to be different than their approach to satisfying us.

Hopefully you all understand how to start the process and now understand that for men, sex does not start in the bedroom, it starts wherever you  initiate it. A man will fuck you up against a brick wall if you let him….so tell him that you want him to do just that !

 

The Dating Pool In Your 30’s and Beyond

We’ve all seen the memes. The girls have one for the guys and the guys have one for the girls. Just in case you haven’t seen them, take a look:

girls30s
And this one…
30's guys

I’m going to be brutally honest when I tell you that IF the dating pool hasn’t changed for you, then the pool isn’t the problem.

You are.

Terminally single people in their 30s and beyond have a problem, actually many problems, but the biggest problem is that they keep picking the same person over and over again hoping and/or expecting this one will be different. It’s not. If you burn your hand on something hot, you learn very quickly not to touch hot things. This is not the case, however, when it comes to dating. Here’s how it looks when you are a terminally single person: You choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself and YOU LEARN NOTHING.

The dating pool isn’t a pool of shit, YOUR dating pool is a pool of shit because you’re standing in the same fucking pool you’ve been in since your 20’s. Nothing has changed because YOU haven’t changed and despite what you think — you haven’t grown. You can’t grow if you don’t learn from your mistakes and more importantly, you can’t learn from your mistakes if you don’t think you’ve made any.

Self-reflection or self-examination is a crucial skill to learn and employ. Self-examination means scrutiny of one’s own conduct, motives, desires, etc. If you can’t honestly assess yourself, you will NEVER grow as a person and if you don’t grow – you will keep dating in loserville.

You may now be wondering, what the fuck do I do? The first thing you should do is understand that every relationship is two people…unless you are poly-amorous. When two people are in a relationship then two people are to blame when shit goes wrong – just the same as two people are to be commended when things go right. So, when your relationship ended – it ended because you both fucked up. I know you know how THEY fucked up…but how did you contribute? Because you did. You absolutely fucked up too. Maybe you’re one of those people who thinks that jealousy = love, so you said or did things to make your partner jealous. Maybe you’re a bad listener, insecure, intolerant, hyper-critical, unrealistic, unforgiving or even a complete bitch. Take a look at all of your relationships – do you see any patterns in your behavior? The pattern you find is the very thing that is keeping you in the dating shit-pool.

Work on yourself and be more open to the possibilities – who knows you may find out that the dating pool in your 30s and beyond is really…

pictures-of-the-ocean-19

What Every (Big) Girl Should Know: How To Use A Vibrator

I received a great email from Elizabeth at Carvaka Adult Toys and she wanted to share with my readers some great tips on how to properly use a vibrator. What a great idea! Not everyone knows how and many don’t feel comfortable asking. Now you don’t have to, Elizabeth has kindly written this piece and shared with us a “How-To Guide” and graphic. So, without any further ado….

Get the Most from your Vibrator!

So you’ve bought your vibrator, it arrives to your door in discreet packaging and your excitement levels are heightened. What if this is your first vibe though? You might not really know how to get your desired orgasm!

If that is the case, don’t fear because you are certainly not alone. The sex toy industry is literally worth billions annually all over the world and vibrators certainly make up a large bulk of that but there are beginners to everything in this world and everyone has to start somewhere.

Even if you are a Sex and the City aficionado and have watched all the episodes of Girls that have been produced, you still might not know how to get the most from your vibe!

People sometimes like to build up a collection of vibrators too so it’s important to know how to extend the life of them. You must remember that these toys will likely be going inside or at the very least will be rubbing against some of your private parts so you also want to know how to keep them sanitized and clean. Who wants a nasty infection from something so pretty?

Vibrators are often seen as the toy for single women but this couldn’t be further from the truth; couples can enjoy vibes as part of a really fun and healthy sex life, it is just to know how to do it!

This infographic from Carvaka Adult Toys details how to get the most from your vibrator; it explains how to set the scene to using the toy to achieve a wonderful orgasm; it details the types of lubricant you can use; it explains the different type of vibes to give different types of orgasms and also how to look after your vibrator so that it lasts a long time…check it out below!

 

Carvaka IG How to Use A Vibrator

The Politics of Shaming

I was undecided until probably 2 days before I voted in the Primary. Cruz, Rubio… Rubio, Cruz… back and forth till I selected Cruz. I was happy with my choice. I love hearing and reading about why my friends support who they support. I disagree with some, agree with others, but I generally am happy to be an American who can cast a ballot for my choice in a free election, as can all of us. Here is what I am not happy about: the shaming, the emotional blackmail, the smears, the threats. This is not just Republican vs. Democrat, it’s Republican vs Republican vs Democrat vs Democrat Socialist. We are eating our own and the other side as well.

I am not joining any #NeverAnyone cause because it’s my own fucking business who I choose to support and why. It is my right as a citizen of this country to vote MY CONSCIENCE and MY BELIEFS, and I am NOT going to succumb to the blackmail. (Unfriend me now if you support [fill in the blank]). There is a reason the founding fathers wanted the ballots secret.

I would never stop being friends with anyone who didn’t think like me… I’m kind of a nut. I’d end up friendless if I did that and life would be boring as shit if you lived in a vacuous hole where everyone thinks you are great and agrees with everything you say. No thanks. I prefer to be challenged.

My favorite has been the insults to intelligence. Democrats think all Republicans are stupid. Republicans who don’t support Trump think Trump supporters are “low information” voters, and Republicans think Bernie supporters are brainless sheeple. [Okay that last one is right. J/K] Disagreements are expected, but this sort of hypocritical disrespect is getting old, real quick.

The one that has me on the verge of committing felonious assault by verbal fisking is the tarring and feathering of people using the actions of others. “If you support Trump you are a racist, violent thug because Trump supporters are violent, racist thugs.” Listen up assholes, the only thing people who support a candidate definitely have in common is their support for the candidate. If you don’t ask each one why they support the candidate, then you don’t know why.

When did it become the “norm” to blame someone for the actions of someone else? Using that rationale, let’s see if I can tarnish you.

Hitler was an artist and a vegetarian. So if you like art or are a vegetarian then you hate the Jews and support Nazism.

Ted Bundy was a Methodist who was involved in the Boy Scouts of America for many years. So …follow your own logic.

I hope you all are understanding my point. Some people are single issue voters and others are not. We have free elections in this country because all of our voices are equally important and deserve to be heard.

You can disagree with someone, but that does not make the other person: stupid, blind, racist, sheeple, low-information, a bully, a thug, a misogynist, or whatever else is being said.

I have good friends who are strong and loyal supporters of every single candidate running. None of those people are bad nor stupid. We simply disagree and that’s okay.

This is America, bitches… opposition is a way of life, but respect should be too.

Why Fat Shamers Are Delusional

The Fat Shamers are out en masse in 2016. They tell themselves and everyone who might listen that they are doing it for the good of all us poor, sad fatties! We need help, they tell themselves because we are too stupid to understand how fat and disgraceful we are. We’re saving their lives! Obviously, they don’t know they’re fat – and they’re too stupid to read a scale, watch tv or listen to their doctors…so we’ll shame them into fitness!

News Flash Assholes: Shaming people rarely has a positive effect, you’re not saving anyone’s life by ridiculing them – you’re more likely driving them to eat and actually gaining more weight. You want to Fat Shame someone? Fine! Own it but don’t try and convince anyone else that you are doing it for a greater good. You’re doing to feel morally superior and because you enjoy hurting people, especially weak people, not helping them. You obviously have some major insecurities causing you to seek redress with someone you feel is more deserving of ridicule…more deserving than you.

I have heard some of the stupidest reasoning behind fat shaming. My favorite was that the Fat Acceptance movement is somehow requiring/demanding that men change their innate desire and find fat women hot. Wow…you really think our big, fat bodies could actually make that leap?

You are D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N-A-L!

Fat Acceptance is first and foremost about people ACCEPTING and LOVING themselves for who and what they are. How insanely criminal, right? Secondly, it’s about allowing us to live our life how we choose to live it — without ridicule.

It isn’t about you fat shaming assholes at all, I mean, it’s not a miracle movement. It most certainly isn’t a movement that is demanding that anyone actually change what they find sexually appealing. We actually need very little help in that regard. There are more than enough people (men and women) who actually find thick, chubby and fat sexy. You don’t and we’re fine with that. I don’t find insecure little assholes sexually attractive either – so it’s a win-win, as they say.

In closing, I would just like to say that this is a big world and we should all be able to live in peacefully and we should all be treated with respect. If you want to be a fat shaming asshole, be the best fat shaming asshole in the world…I support you! But don’t be a liar. Don’t lie to yourself or try lying to the rest of us about why you do it…because we know why and it’s not about being helpful. It’s because you’re an insecure person who thinks that self-confidence comes from bloviation and bluster. It doesn’t, you know…you have to find that inside yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’d Be So Pretty If…

“You’d be so pretty if you lost some weight” … I can’t tell you how many times I heard that one while growing up. So I’d like to dedicate this piece to all those “helpful” souls who offer this advice to their chubby friend/sister/daughter/cousin/co-worker/whoever.

Telling us we’d “be so pretty if …” is NOT FUCKING HELPFUL! What you’re really saying is that we’re NOT pretty. You’re telling us that our worth is based only upon our weight, and we’re NOTHING unless we conform to what YOU believe is “normal.” In other words, you’re NOT helping, not one bit.

You’re NOT the first person to tell us that we’re fat. WE ALREADY KNOW! All you’re doing is killing what little self-esteem we have. If we’re foolish enough to listen to your “advice,” we’ll be allowing you to treat us like shit because we think that we deserve it. We’ll also end up fatter, lonelier, and more depressed, causing us to take stupid health risks and have risky sex in order to regain some semblance of our shredded self-esteem. News flash: being fat does NOT mean we deserve ANY of this!

I listened to this advice and it fucked my mind up something fierce. I thought of myself as something less than human, unworthy and unlovable. I blamed my weight for everything that went wrong or didn’t happen as I wished because I never thought there was any other reason. This made me close myself off from people, causing me to be unapproachable. Assuming no man would find me attractive, I used humor as a shield from their perceived rejection. This caused men to view me as aloof, and THAT was why they didn’t approach me!

As I got older, I continued to blame my unhappiness on my weight, even though it was never the problem. I put damn near every man that was interested in me in the friend zone because I did not believe they saw me as worthy. My self-loathing was boyfriend Kryptonite and I became very cavalier about men. I never gave any man more than two dates … often less. Sometimes I just randomly made out with guys at bars, took their numbers and didn’t call. I was afraid of being hurt, so I gave no one a chance, and I used them so they wouldn’t use me.

I eventually decided I should marry because I did want a family. Naturally, I chose someone who found my weight to be a problem. I’m not going to bash my ex-husband because we have two sons together and are on good terms. Really, my own belief that I was less than is what led me to choose that path. I think on some level I did this because I figured that would motivate me to finally be thin. It didn’t. You should not ever be with anyone who doesn’t think you are all that and then some; it’s a dumb thing to do. He should have chosen someone else, and I should have too.

Considering all the mistakes I made, here’s some advice that will actually help my fellow big girls: Be yourself. Love yourself. Tell yourself daily that you are awesome, beautiful, and sexy and eventually, you’ll start to believe it. It took me 40 years and plenty of tears to realize what I should have always known – that I’m beautiful, sexy and a damn good catch – and I write this with the hope that I can reach someone and help them get their self-esteem sooner rather than later.

Just remember, you’ll be so pretty if … you ignore the opinions of others and simply believe it’s true!

 

 

 

Why “be the better person” is bullshit advice for someone from a dysfunctional family

Some good advice if you’re caught in weird dysfunctional family dynamics…also why I hate when people give advice without getting all the facts.

Trauma Central

dys  Forgive and forget…

You need to let it go…

Put your pride aside…

Be the better/bigger person…

You’re better than that…

Don’t let it bother you…

All this advice is a big, steaming crock of shit!

For those just tuning in, I’ve chosen to go no contact with a specific family member. This means no talking, visiting, phone calls, text messages, nothing. When some people hear this, they jump straight from their soapbox onto their high horse and proceed to lecture me about how I need to “be the better person” and let this family member back into my life because, well… it’s just something I have to do.

The people that give me this advice either don’t know shit about dysfunctional families, or they don’t give a shit about my emotional well being. Either way, I don’t have time for their namby-pamby bullshit.

Newsflash for the armchair relationship…

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The Tales Of Candy Gazelle (A Series)

???????????????????????????????????????????????????Candy Gazelle is the kind of girl that no girl wants to be…in short she’s a pathetic, hateful, twit who is lacking both morals and self esteem.  She masquerades as something bigger and more awesome but she’s a soulless person who uses whatever and whomever she can to inflate her false self because she’s fears her true self.

Candy is an innovator, an entrepreneur, a great business woman, she’s the greatest thing to happen to cosmetics since Coco Chanel…just ask her and that’s what she’ll tell you. Candy Gazelle is basically an Avon Lady using off market products. She goes door to door selling and applying her make up and giving out tips to all who call but it’s not too many people because she only works 10 hours a week. Don’t tell that to real entrepreneurs, they’d scoff at her laziness…poor Coco would roll over in her grave!

Candy is fat and very proud, she thinks that shows how confident she is and if she was just a proud fat girl, it would. Unfortunately, Candy feels it’s necessary to tear down others even when they help prevent Candy’s clients from looking like hookers (Candy’s still learning her trade…shhh), she’s boastful, loud and tacky. Candy thinks confidence and strength means you must be a complete bitch, she’s wrong.  Don’t be like Candy Gazelle.

Confidence is quiet assurance and a belief in yourself and your abilities.  It’s poise and certitude. It’s all about you and requires no negative thinking about anyone.

Candy Gazelle doesn’t understand that, so she feels the need to tear down others as a way of propping up her very fragile ego.  She’s had many adventures that sent her down the rabbit hole of self loathing and I’m not sure she will ever get herself out of it, especially since I have a very vivid imagination. 😉

I’m going to tell you many of her sad stories, hopefully we can learn and even laugh at her many, many misadventures.

When our journey is over, I want you to proudly stand up and say I will NEVER be Candy Gazelle.