This question is one I’ve never had asked of me by a man before; though I’ve been asked about something similar and that will be a different blog post. Without further ado, let’s see the question:
I have another question for your blog. I am a little embarrassed, but don’t know where to talk about this. I have been seeing someone off and on for a year and he recently brought up ATM (ass to mouth). I had no clue what that even meant. I’m pretty adventurous when it comes to sex, but this is a bit over the top for me. Should I say hell no or get drunk and let loose? Everything I Googled about it is negative or porn. I know this is explicit, but he eats my ass out ALL the time, but the thought of traces of feces in my mouth sickens me.
Ass to mouth. Does everyone know exactly what that means? If you don’t, it means going from anal sex straight to a blow job without pause to clean off. Everyone on the same page? Hence her concern about getting shit in her mouth. It’s not an irrational concern in the least. There is almost no way for you to not, at best, get Dirty Sanchezed or a full on ingestion of your poop… at worst. There are millions of bacteria in the rectum and even if you wash and use enemas prior, you can’t stop your digestive track from functioning.
Some may claim that there is a way to make it safe and I suppose if you use a condom during anal, remove it and give him head with a fresh condom on or bareback that can minimize the risk but there’s no way to be 100% sure you are clean.
Rim jobs are a horse of a different color. You can make sure your asshole is clean enough for a tongue to do some tickling in that area. Being deeply penetrated by a man’s cock is not the same as a shallow dipping of a tongue.
Here’s my personal opinion on this act. It’s humiliating. I’m not sure how going from anal to a blow job increases sexual pleasure for a man and if I’m wrong, I’d like a man to PLEASE TELL ME. It wasn’t something that happened in the “heat of passion”, it’s something you were asked upfront if you’d be willing to do. If you say yes, you will be allowing someone to degrade and humiliate you during a very intimate act. Now, if you are sexually aroused by being degraded and humiliated (and some are) then I guess you should go for it – just take as many precautions as you can to avoid becoming seriously ill.
Even the definition in the Urban Dictionary for ATM is similar to my opinion:
“One of the newer marketing ploys in pornography is called “ATM” (“ass to mouth”), where the male performer anally penetrates a woman and then sticks his penis into her mouth, often joking about her having to eat shit. In this pornography the code of debasement is most stark. There is no apparent increase in male sexual pleasure by moving directly from the anus to the mouth outside of the humiliation that the woman must endure.”
(Robert Wosnitzer et al, 2006, “Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography: A Content Analysis”, p. 23)
Men who enjoy the suffering and humiliation of women (=”ass to mouth”), are diagnosed with paraphilia (“sexual deviancy” in scientific terms) according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders by the American Psychiatric Association and the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems by the World Health Organization.
The Big Girl's Guide 
Rose, That should be helpful to your reader’s question! Cleanliness is one thing–but when you get in some nether regions of the human anatomy guarantees are impossible 🙂 I’ve had enough pitiful relationships that leave me not desiring to have even the hint of a “bad taste” in my mouth! Myself, I’m not into that, I hope I can do enough to please any man without “going there” –even though many male lovers in my past dive in to me–face first–without any possible quid pro quo of the a-hole type 🙂 LOL!
Liz,
I have no doubt you can please any man without ever going there. 😉
🙂 Thank you, Rose! I try hard to please! 🙂 Love you, have a beautiful weekend, I am heading out for some sun time! 🙂
Love you back!! Have a great weekend!! 😉
Absolutely! The only reason for a man asking a woman to this is to humiliate her. I think some women allow themselves to be debased just because they want to please their man without taking consideration for themselves. If a woman has to totally abandon her self worth and esteem to please her man then he isn’t right for her. T
I’m seriously dying to know if any man can explain how this is anything but humiliation. I can’t see it.
I’m willing to hear it…
amen!
I think “it increases sexual pleasure for a man” simply because its shown in porn I’m guessing. If you’re repeatedly shown something sexual, you get turned on to it after awhile. The porn industry doesn’t care a bit about the women in porn videos so things like this (or even more dangerous) are frequently shown. It makes an unrealistic ideal for men 😦
Sing it sista!
I agree with you 100%
The only way I can see ANYONE be interested in ATM for non-humiliation purposes is if they had one of those Bidet’s to prep the area prior to “fun” time. For men, with increased rigidity comes increased pleasure. Going in A means you need to be already at full attention. Going in M means you’re where your mate takes you and if that’s not enough, you need more stimuli. Going from A to washcloth to M is deflating. ATM is humiliating, so without a Bidet, I’d never do it (anymore).
Unfortunately ATM isn’t the only thing in pornography that does this…it’s sad and frightening how many elements of blatant and subtle humiliation of women goes into making porn.
That’s definitely true. Have you read Confessions of Amie?
From a man’s perspective, this ATM request is a bunch of shit … literally and figuratively. I agree with the Queen, this guy – most likely some lowdown scumbag with mother issues – simply wants to humiliate and degrade the reader who asked this question. If she were foolish enough to grant his request, I’d bet he’d try pulling out his cellphone so he could get it on video to show all his “boyz.” My advice: ditch this loser ASAP. Few people need more humiliation in their life.
This kind of shit (pun intended) is why I just can’t watch pro porn. It’s all terrible, and creates impossible images that the inexperienced think is norm.
Now, truly amateur stuff? Very hot. But only when it’s clear that both people are there having fun with it.
come on thats ridiculous. Its a huge turn on to be humilated during sex and of course being humilated by ATM can be a turn of for both sex partners. Ass to mouth is suge a huge turn on for a lot of men THAT alone is a great reason for a lot of women to do it. If I knew something would turn on a girl like this I would do it for her and it would excite me. And I wouldnd have a problem at all of here fucking me with a dildo or finger and sucking it afterwards (should be visibly clean though 😉 Its just a huge dirty psychological turn on, like so many things.
As a man, I wouldn’t say that it’s exclusively about humiliation, though depending on how it’s done and the attitude behind it, it could be, but that’s the same of any sexual act to be honest. I can imagine from the woman’s point of view, it could feel humiliating in whichever way it’s done, depending on the person.
From my personal perspective.. There is a difference between getting a woman to do this and doing this to a woman – do you see the subtle but important difference between those two phrases? It is an extreme act for obvious reasons, and very taboo – it’s beyond most people’s boundaries. The pleasure is largely psychological you’re right – but it isn’t from humiliating your partner, but from the fact they have no boundaries – in the moment they are willing to do something that could be seen as gross – a purely sexual act that ignores any limits of what’s acceptable. It’s similar to anal sex itself – it’s obviously not just a physical pleasure, it’s taboo, it’s seen as dirty and nasty and that’s why people like doing it.
Partly it is about domination/submission – but not in a humiliating way. And this isn’t exclusively for ‘ATM’, but could be applied to deepthroating/choking etc etc (I’ve known girls that enjoyed what I at first thought was extreme!) The submissive partner gains pleasure from being dominated – and by doing things they know is enjoyable for their partner. The dominant partner gains pleasure from *knowing* that the other person is *enjoying* submitting to them and doing things to please them, sometimes in spite of what would normally be physically pleasurable. ATM is something that’s so far along the *in spite of* scale that it’s a very potent act of submission/domination. It’s the extreme of what someone could be willing to do just to please their partner. And submissive partner then in turn gets pleasure from seeing how much you like it. If the people involved happen to be wired that way, not everyone is, I know.
Submission and humiliation aren’t synonymous.
Believe it or not, some people (women or men) like to be humiliated. Its a turn on.