Archive | August 2014

Don’t Get Stuck On An Adjective…

You are more than just your outward appearance, more than just a physical description of your outer shell and that is all an adjective is…

My blog is written for Big Girls because that is what I am and have always been but most of what I say can be useful to anyone. No matter what you look like on the outside, be it fat, thin, chubby, medium, blond, brunette, redhead, tall, short, average…African-American, White or Latina; we all have insecurities to tackle and that is the driving force behind every post on this blog. The adjectives I use are irrelevant, so don’t get hung up on them.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept WHO you are and go from there, especially if you can’t change it.

Can a Big Girl lose the weight? Absolutely. Can you change your hair color? Sure. Can you change your race? Not bloody likely and I’ll be honest, while a big girl CAN lose weight it’s nearly as hard to do that and keep it off as it is to change your ethnicity.  It’s simply much easier to change your attitude and perception and that is my ultimate goal. Love yourself for who and what you are and you will then allow others to love you too.

Yesterday, my husband wrote How to Date a Fat Admirer. In it he gave a short list of rules you should follow to be successful in the realm of love.  As I suspected, there were some readers that took exception to his use of the adjective “fat” to describe the women he was speaking too. The title was self-explanatory, he is and always has been a man who finds BBWs sexy. He’s dated all kinds of women, all shapes and sizes but at the end of the day his preference has always leaned heavily (pun intended) towards us curvy, fat chicks. It’s what he likes and he is not ashamed of it. I certainly appreciate the Hell out it, I’ll tell you that. There has been nothing more refreshing and amazing than being with a man, who, loves the one thing about you that you’ve been told your entire life has made you UNWORTHY of love.

His biggest struggle with dating and loving BBWs is that some of them have made him feel like there was something WRONG with him for being attracted to THEM! Does that sound rational? It isn’t but that’s what happens when years of self-loathing meet up with genuine attraction. It’s like the Clash of the fucking Titans. You want to be loved for who you are and when you meet someone willing to do exactly that – YOU SHAME HIM FOR IT.

I get it. You want to be loved for your mind and not just as a sex object. What makes you so fucking special and different than every other person on the planet? 😉 Human beings start off most relationships the same way – mutual attraction. Seriously, it took me nearly 10 years to realize Brad Pitt could really act…I’d never noticed that before. Sorry Brad, your hotness is distracting.

The reality is that you want to be loved ONLY for who you are on the inside because you’ve been told over and over that who you are on the outside is not worthy of being loved. So, naturally, if you meet someone, who, finds you attractive and sexy…there must be something wrong with them. There isn’t anything wrong with them, they just know what they like and they are confident in that knowledge. Don’t make them feel the same thing you’ve been made to feel your entire life…ashamed for who they are.

Love yourself, accept yourself, change what you don’t like but start with the shit on the inside because being fat is not your problem…it’s a symptom.

Self-loathing is your problem. Fix that and then you’ll know that you are worthy of love and you’ll stop driving people away. Oh and for fuck’s sake – make love with the lights on, your clothes and blankets off!!! How do you expect to achieve all FOUR types of female orgasm if your partner can’t see anything or access anything besides your damn pussy. By God, he won’t be able to eat you out properly, if he can’t see what he’s about! 😉

Think about it…

How to Date a Fat Admirer

The list all of us Big Girls have always wanted and NEEDED. My husband, an unabashed FA from way back, put a list of rules on how to successfully date FAs.

Insecurities from years of ridicule caused many of us Big Girls to make the same mistakes with men over and over.

Take this advice and go out and find love!

Trauma Central

Yesterday, my wife linked the post “How to Date a Fat Girl” by blogger Adipose Activist. In her manifesto, Adipose lists her eight ironclad rules that she believes men must abide when dating – or trying to date – fat women. While I agree with her for the most part – most men don’t know how to talk to women in general – I felt that fat women might also benefit from a few rules for dating fat admirers, aka “FAs.” It should come as no surprise that I’m a big girl lover from way back; my wife’s blog is The Big Girl’s Guide, for crying out loud! Anyway, in my dating experiences, I’ve noticed a few annoying traits that many of BBWs continue to indulge in … even when they should be long past these immature “stages” mostly associated with our teenage years and early…

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Big Girl, Big Sex and Masturbation

Oh yes, I went there. I’ve talked about giving head, eating pussy and fucking in general…don’t get the vapors now because I said the “M” word.  Masturbation, jacking off, slap the monkey, diddling, fingering, beat off, shocker! All kinds of ways to describe that big taboo – self pleasure.

Why should a Big Girl or anyone masturbate? Why not? Why should anyone? Because sex is awesome, well it can be with the right partner. It can also suck giant monkey dicks, if you’re with someone who has no idea how to please you. So, it’s very important to know what pleases you and the way you find out is MASTURBATING!!!!

Do you know that there are a lot of people who claim they never have? That’s sad. You need to know what you like and how you like it and fucking a bunch of guys can help but you could be really unlucky and fuck guys who are inexperienced at sex.  Or worse, selfish lovers whose only goal is their own pleasure. When faced with an inexperienced lover who desires to please you…you’re going to need to guide him a bit. If you’ve not gotten yourself off, how are you going to teach him what you need?

There are 4 types of orgasms a woman can have…yes, FOUR!! And Feminists didn’t do shit to get them for us. 😉

  • Clitoral orgasms – the clitoris has 8000 nerve endings so with the right amount of pressure and effort, you can blow your lid pretty quickly just by stimulating that tiny little button (or in some cases a turkey neck).
  • Vaginal orgasms – some people believe in a G-spot others don’t. To achieve an orgasm this way takes longer, so the longer you are being penetrated and thrust into the more likely you will achieve the Big O. Making sure you are lubed up or wet enough is a must. Tilting your pelvis helps to reach the sweet spot. It’s trial and error but oh so worth it when you get there.
  • Blended orgasms – these occur when you are stimulating both the clit and the vagina. This is the MOST powerful orgasm and when you get one of these, you’ll likely not be able to walk right away from all that leg shaking.
  • Multiple orgasms – these happen one after the other pretty quickly. Not everyone can withstand the constant stimulation but those who can…holy shit!

Here are some tips for self pleasure that you can try to get yourself off:

  1. Set the mood – bubble bath, candles in the bedroom, whatever gives your senses pleasure
  2. Use lube – a slippery surface makes it more pleasurable and works faster to achieving the Big O.
  3. Go slow and explore your entire body
  4. Sex toys are a handy tool for self pleasure. 😉
  5. Find your clitoris and focus attention here – lots of attention with finger or some buzzing toy. 😉
  6. Breast stimulation is a nice added bonus
  7. Spend some time finding your G-spot
  8. Try for that blended orgasm by working both clit and G-spot simultaneously
  9. Porn…yep, watch some porn
  10. Fantasize about something while seeking your pleasure…always a nice touch

Give some of these a try and even if you are a professional twat tickler, have you managed to get all FOUR types of orgasms before? Why not see if you can?

Happy Hump Day!!!!!!!!

I’m Not Just A Big Girl, I Am A Supernormal Releaser

Supernormal stimuli is :

“A supernormal stimulus or superstimulus is an exaggerated version of a stimulus to which there is an existing response tendency, or any stimulus that elicits a response more strongly than the stimulus for which it evolved.”

What does that mean for some humans? It means if your natural attraction is to curvy women (big tits, big ass, thick thighs, bit of a tummy) then some men will find someone like me to be a Supernormal Releaser – I will drive their biological urge into overdrive with my exaggerated tits and ass. It’s pure biology and not some freakish fetish.

There are a ton of examples in nature where animals look for and act upon the theory that the bigger, the better. Humans are no different. Women do it all the time and no one blinks. Why do you think rich, old men can get hot, young women? The biological urge in women is to find the best provider but that changes when ovulating we look for the strongest,  most masculine…so the bigger in both cases.  Rich men are Supernormal Releasers, women with exaggerated features, who wear make up or are larger than normal are all Supernormal Releasers. There is nothing weird about it, it’s how we are wired. So, men who are attracted to slim women would find the model thin girl to be a Supernormal Releaser.

My point is that a lot of people think that being attracted to Big Girls is a fetish, a weird and unnatural thing. It’s not, it’s purely biological, some men are simply wired to be attracted to us Big Girls, like others are wired to be attracted to short girls, skinny girls, the same sex, both sexes, etc…and in the case of that wiring, the bigger the better, as the saying goes!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Date a Fat Girl.

I like this list but I have a couple problems with it. The main problem I have is with Number 1. Being fat is not an easy thing but being a man who loves fat women can’t be much easier. They get teased, shamed and looked down upon for their desires too. When a man on a dating site uses a moniker that indicates he likes BBWs, don’t shit on him for it.

Bottom line is this – when we meet someone and start dating it is usually BECAUSE we find the outside package to our liking. We don’t know who you are on the inside and you don’t know us. Every relationship starts the same – I think you’re hot, you think I’m hot – let’s get to know each other better.

I’d prefer to know that the person interested in me – finds me sexy. I don’t want to guess and I don’t want to have to conceal my body and trick someone into seeing my appeal.

Stress Break

Had a near tragic family emergency yesterday. I was working on some blogs but my brain is still a bit mushy after all the craziness.

 

I’ll be back strong tomorrow, today I’m recovering from being the person of action  and “The Rock” that I was required to be.

See you Sunday!

Relationship Tip #2

Relationship Tip #2: Keep Your Fucking Promises (A) and Don’t Expect Someone to Read Your Fucking Mind (B)

“People with good intentions make promises but people with good character keep them” ~Unknown

Man this is an annoying thing and we are all guilty of doing it. Forgetfulness, lost track of time, shit just gets in the way and suddenly you realize…you promised to do something and you didn’t. Or worse, someone is upset with you and you have no clue why, then you get pissed at them because that’s easier than …talking about it. Now you are both pouting and one of you has no fucking clue why and the other of you is pissed because someone didn’t keep their promise (and can’t read your damn mind).

Now what? Someone has to say something or the silent treatment and pouting is going to last for God knows how long…

Let’s try something new.

Person A – try really hard to do what you said you were going to do. Also, if you know your memory is SHIT, tell Person B to kindly remind you later if you haven’t kept your word and time is running out.

Person B – try really hard not to get the fucking vapors because Person A obviously forgot to do what they said. Person A’s memory is crap and by now you know it is…don’t you? Person A is quite OBVIOUSLY not a mind reader, so you will need to calm your tits and gently remind Person A about the thing they promised.

If you are beyond that point, then Person A should at least ASK Person B what’s upsetting them BEFORE getting crazy. If Person B won’t open up because they are too hurt over God knows what, then just tell them that you love them and you want to fix whatever it is…

Or you can all just keep arguing and giving each other the silent treatment because that’s been working for you, right?

If you love the person you are with then treat them that way. Don’t get in a dither over the small shit because the small shit will become the big shit and you will lose. You will drive a great person away. Life is tough enough sometimes, it’s even tougher with love in your life. Don’t chase love away because it isn’t perfect, nobody is perfect and certainly not the person who expects someone else to be mistake free…

Peace!

 

 

Relationship Tip #1

Relationship #1: Ask for clarification when the person you are with says something that upsets you.

It is just as likely that you are misunderstanding what they meant, as it is that you’re not. Strangely, or not so strange, most of us assume the worst rather than not. The reason is that we all have insecurities and no matter how great your relationship is – everything said to you is filtered through those insecurities.  I think more couple fights occur over faulty assumptions than they do actual insults/grievances or pettiness.

So, do yourself and your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/lover a huge favor BEFORE jumping their shit over something they said, make sure they actually said what you thought.  Ask them to clarify what they meant. Don’t assume facts not in evidence and then react to your assumptions!

It will save you countless hours of arguing leaving you more time to shower them with love and great sex!

 

The Consolation Blowjob…

I’m not sure how many people do this but one thing I used to do when dating was what I called the consolation blowjob. A man got that from me when he was both hot and very fuckable. If he was not that good looking it was more of a peck on the lips and gentle cock squeeze.  Many of you are thinking what the fuck is she talking about? I’ll tell you.

I met and went out with a fair number of men before marrying…twice.  Guys always and yes I mean always want to fuck you. I did not do that, I was very careful about who I let tap it and that number is extraordinarily low. My current husband is only #3, whereas, I’m number 41 or some such on his fuck chart. (Man-whore that he was!) I was very serious about my chastity, at least, below my belt. My mouth, on the other hand, was a downright whore. I guess my hand was too. 😉

So back to my story. I would date guys and if they were really hot and tempted me to toss out my values…well, I couldn’t do that. Too much disease, chance of pregnancy and Lord knows what else, so, I’d call an abrupt halt to the action and give ’em head and make them blow their wad where we stood. It was a fair compromise and y’all know I knew what I was doing…cuz, I wrote an entire post just yesterday about blow jobs! I didn’t involve myself in too many relationships back then, I had some issues, I’ll admit but I also wasn’t exactly a wallflower. I’m an ENTJ, heavy on the “E”.  Yep, so if I liked you and you were a sexy beast, your cock was in my mouth as quick as a cupcake. 😉

So that’s what I call the Consolation Blowjob. You were great, I liked you a lot, I won’t be seeing you further, so let me blow you and send you packing. Have a great life, buh bye! Now, if you’re reading this and you’re thinking, “Hey!! I dated her and she never once blew me”.  No hard feelings, eh? 😉

So, did you ever do that or something like that? Just wondering if I was the only chaste women running around consolation cocksucking in the late 80’s and 90’s.

Happy Hump Day!

 

 

 

Low Self Esteem = Target

One of the biggest problem we Big Girls have is low self esteem and it’s worse when you’ve been big your entire life. If you started life as a chubby girl, you’ve heard more times than you can count how pretty you could be…if ONLY you lost the weight.  What a complete mind fuck that is and lots of well meaning people don’t realize how that message will be internalized.

This is what we hear: YOU ARE NOT PRETTY

Years and years of that gets reinforced and suddenly you are an adult BBW woman with zero self worth. That’s a set up to be fucked over and over and over again by any and all romantic partners. Why? Because your internal dialogue is that your weight makes you worthless, so you don’t think anything of it when your boyfriend or husband says it to you. It’s your truth, you accept it and subsequently you accept the shittiest treatment because you don’t know any better.

You are now the perfect TARGET for any and all predators, narcissists, sociopaths and psychos. Yep, you are fucking PERFECT for being used and abused.

The things Big Girls with self esteem issues will put up with is staggering. I know that low self esteem is not limited to Big Girls but since I am one, I am speaking about it from my perspective. I am certain it applies to many body types and both sexes.

You meet someone amazing, they treat you like a princess and you are in love! This is the greatest thing that ever happened to you…for now. Then suddenly and out of the blue, they tell you about their ex who was the hottest thing ever, thin and beautiful and the most amazing sex. All you hear is THIN AND BEAUTIFUL. You’re not thin and you know that you’re not beautiful because EVERYONE you’ve ever know has told you that you could be pretty IF you lost weight. So this amazing guy that you’re sure you’re in love with just told the same thing you’ve always known…you are not worthy of him. He starts mentioning others and the conversation is always the same…you are not good enough.  Then he’s back to puffing you up but in the back of your mind is the message…I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH, I’M FAT, I’M NOT PRETTY, I’LL NEVER MEASURE UP.

Now he’s ignoring you, putting you and your needs at the bottom of his important list of what he needs. You are killing yourself to get his attention but to no avail….YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  You let him demean you, degrade you, threaten you, use you like garbage. You’ll do things for him that you never thought you would for anyone…it’s not enough.  Now he’s just being mean, you finally get angry and you are now the bad person who is driving him away. You’re punished for having normal human reactions to being treated so badly. You’re too needy, demanding and clingy. Now you are accused of being a bully or a cheater or a liar. He leaves you for someone else or he cheats on you. Either way, it’s your fault! You think so because you know you are worthless trash and he’ll tell you so. You deserved it! You are not good enough!

And the cycle of shit relationships continue…until you wake up and realize that you are worthy. You are beautiful. You deserve to be loved and respected. You deserve to be treated like a human being and until you start to believe this you will be someone’s target. Users are just bullies that hunt like sharks and people with low self esteem are the chum floating in the water…all bloody and tempting.

Fight the urge to believe that if only you lost some weight, you’d be worthy. YOU ALREADY ARE.

You are beautiful, sexy and amazing and once you believe it, you’ll project that image to the world. You’ll then attract people who see you as you are and not who you once thought you were.