Archive | September 2014

Open Marriages…Why?

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately by loving and committed couples who have open marriages. I don’t get it, no, let me re-phrase that. I don’t understand. I’ve thought long and hard on it and while I do understand why some couples have open marriages, I don’t understand why any couple who is in love with their spouse would choose to be open.

I am not a closed-minded prude by any stretch and I’m not judging anyone’s choices but this one boggles the shit out of me. Again, I am referring to people who say they are in LOVE with their spouse. I can come up with a few scenarios that make sense as to why any couple would choose to open their marriage. The first being that one of the participants is a prolific cheater and despite that the couple wants to stay together for financial reasons or because of their children or because marriage is a commitment and they still love their spouse despite the bad choices . Then it would make sense to make things fair and allow both to have their cake and eat it too. Another reason may be that one of the participants can’t or won’t have sex and it’s not fair to deny their loving partner something as fundamentally necessary as sex.  Other than that, I’m kinda stumped.

Why would you be in a marriage with someone who can’t or won’t actually commit to you? Sex is such a deeply personal thing. For women more so than men, sex is a very emotional thing. We need to feel something besides lust to have sex or at least convince ourselves that we do. I’m sure plenty of women will say bullshit to that but I’m not saying all women. I’m saying for most women, there are always exceptions. I’m just really trying to understand why people choose this route.

If you feel like you need to sow your wild oats, then sow them before you make the commitment to marry. If you need to spice up your love life then try new things with your partner. It’s not like you can’t talk to your spouse because if you couldn’t then bringing up opening your marriage would not be on the table.  I’m really having a hard time understanding how anyone in a good and stable marriage could do this and it not negatively impact your commitment to each other.  How can it not drive a permanent wedge between you? Can you really be okay knowing that the person you love and married is fucking another person or multiple persons?

Help me out here, what am I missing?




Middle Aged BBW’s Are A Hot Commodity!

Have you been feeling down about being chubby and getting older? Younger chicks trying to make you feel like shit because you’re “past your prime”? Are those lonely, bitter single chicks taking cheap shots at your age? Then I’ve got some great news for you!!! Stop feeling bad about yourself and listen up!

Of all the genres and sub-genres available in the Porn industry and there are a lot of them,  upwards of a 100 or more different types, the top 7 include: MILF and BBW. That’s riiiight!!! Mommies (#4) and Fat Chicks (#6) ranked in the Top 7 most popular of ALL!!! BDSM came in at #7, take that 50 Shades readers!!  These stats are just hardcore porn…add in the soft core, pinup variety and you’ll start to notice a pattern.  BBWs and SSBBWs are pretty popular, just search youtube for sexy BBW or SSBBW and see how many views these big ladies are getting, it’s a ton! (pun intended)

The popularity of fat chicks and MILFs in porn and in soft core video offerings is growing, YES GROWING,  despite the fact that society thinks us fat chicks should be starved to thinness. Society tells us we are bad, fat, lazy, without discipline, worthless, unattractive and less deserving of pretty much everything and yet all over the world MEN WANT TO FUCK US older, fat chicks more than ever!

So, the next time you are feeling bad because you’ve packed on the weight and your Mom jeans have a muffin top, take heart…it’s highly likely that someone who just saw you and your muffin top popped a woody! Hold that chubby head up high and smile, you sexy bitch!


Happy Sunday!






When Porn IS The Problem

I wrote a post a while ago answering a question about porn and if it can ruin a marriage.  The reader gave me the impression that it was a problem for her because she was simply against it and THAT was what I addressed. I also stated that porn CAN be a problem and that is what I am going to discuss now, since someone else asked me to cover that topic.

To recap I don’t believe that viewing porn is a problem by itself. I believe there are many ways couples can enjoy it together, that one person can enjoy it without it being a marital problem but I also said that there are ways that porn can definitely come between couples.

Couples can definitely use pornography as a means to enhancing their foreplay by watching it together, by using it to sext each other in private chat or when distance is currently keeping couples from engaging with each other in person.  There are also times when one half of the couple can’t have sex for a legit reason like illness, hospitalization or simply being too tired. Then it is perfectly acceptable for the other half to use porn as a self stimulatory vehicle. Let’s be honest, sometimes shit happens and you gotta take care of yourself.

Here is when porn becomes a problem.

When the person you are with would prefer looking at porn and masturbate rather than make love to you, porn is now a problem. There is likely another problem as well and you are going to want to evaluate your relationship to try and find out what is happening or what may have already happened.  Porn can become an addiction and if that is occurring to the point that your sex life has been adversely affected, you may want to consider professional help.

If your intimacy has been compromised because you aren’t spending enough time together and you discover that your spouse is using porn as a means of stimulation so he/she can perform with you…that’s a huge problem. That’s gonna require some serious talking and the best thing for you to do is not be accusatory. You need to express your hurt and not come across angry. Anger makes people defensive and you can’t get anywhere is someone feels the need to defend themselves. They won’t HEAR you.

If your spouse has lost his desire for you and basically uses your body as a means of release from the excitement other women have inspired in him, THAT is a deal breaker.  Once you become just a “replacement body” and nothing else, you need to just end your relationship. Almost any problem can be overcome if both parties want to fix it BUT once the physical aspect of your relationship dies and I mean truly dies…you don’t have a chance. You cannot rebuild a marriage if your spouse lost his desire for you.  Sex isn’t love but it is an expression of love and if your spouse needs to be stimulated by someone other than you because you don’t do it for him any longer…then I would question whether or not he still loves you. Intimacy is a NECESSARY component in a good marriage and without it, all is truly lost.

Now, it is certainly possible that he still loves you and wants you but the addiction to porn has desensitized him to the point that you can’t inspire an erection in him. Can that be fixed? It’s certainly possible but like with any addiction, he’s going to have to be willing to stop. It’s not an easy road either but if he loves you, he’ll try to do whatever it takes to save the relationship. It may work, it may not work…you may have to make a very difficult choice. Stay and allow him to use your body or go and end your relationship. This is a decision you have to make together.

I am not a professional counselor and these are simply my opinions. Ultimately, you need to make the best choice for you and your family. I just know that if it were me, I couldn’t be happy for long with someone who used me in that manner and I would end the marriage.

I hope this helped.

Thin Privilege

I read a great piece about the subject of Thin Privilege, a thing most people don’t realize even exists but as a fat chick I can say that it does and spells it out beautifully. Read this:

Is being fat really the worst thing a person can be? Is it worse than being a liar, a cheat, a gossip mongrel, a rapist, a sadist, an asshole, a horrible person, or a complete waste of a human life?

Sadly, the answer is yes. Yes, because we live in a society that looks down upon people, simply based on the amount of space they take. Never mind their intellect, their creativity, their sense of humor, their kindness, their compassion. We live in a society where a fat person is first, and foremost, fat. That is their premier identifier. And everything else they are, everything they want to be comes afterwards.

Once I realized this, I realized the following, as well:
1.) I am more privileged than I will ever know.
2.) My thinness has gotten me interviews over other women.
3.) My thinness has gotten me the attention of men.
4.) My thinness is equated to beauty.
5.) If my career goes down the drain, my family life falls apart, I end up with no friends, and my life spirals down to a complete fail, I will still be thin. And that will count for something.
6.) All of the above disgust me to no end.
7.) Just as a fat person is primarily identified by their fatness, a thin person is primarily identified by their thinness.

These are all valid points and I agree with her. I believe we live in a world with many different types of privilege but thin privilege is one that affect ALL of us without regard to race, religion, sex or socio-economic status. We all experience it and nobody pays attention to it because society has deemed fat people as unhealthy, unattractive and unwelcome. We’re fine with that because we all hate fat people, we hate them even more than we hate smokers!

Even fat people engage in it. How many times have you, as a fat person, seen another fat person and felt BETTER when you realized you were thinner? How many times have you been pissed when you got dumped for someone fatter than you? It’s really hypocritical but we’ve all done it.

There are many thin women who wonder how in the Hell do us fat chicks get men?. And further, how in the Hell can the man you loved leave you or cheat on you with a woman not as hot as you (i.e. fatter)? You struggle to understand why and how this happens. I’ll fill you in.

Because most of you have benefited from the privileges of thinness, you’ve never had to try hard to get a man. Getting a man is easy, keeping him gets trickier.  Being thin and presumed pretty means you didn’t have to be interesting, funny or even nice. Privileged people assume the world is their oyster because it often is but not when it comes to relationships. Eventually, the shallowness of your relationship will wean and there has to be something more that you have to offer than being thin/pretty and if you don’t have anything, you’ll lose that man you didn’t even break a sweat winning. Fat girls have to try harder, work harder, be more than just fat to win a man. We have to be funny, nice, interesting, pretty helps but not all of us are and when we’re fat pretty isn’t assumed like it is when you’re thin. Basically, fat chicks have to rock their personalities and if they do…the men, even the ones who say they don’t like fat girls, start to get won over. A great personality makes people more attractive. Did you ever notice that someone that you didn’t think was that hot suddenly starts getting hotter the more you get to know and like them? Yeah…that’s how we do it. That’s how us fat chicks get men away from the thin/pretty privileged girls and that’s how we keep them. We didn’t get them because our bodies were perfect, we got them because we worked hard to get them, we work hard to keep them and we make them feel loved and appreciated. We don’t treat men like they are lucky to stand next to us, we treat them like we are lucky and proud to be with them. We make men feel like men and we swallow. Swallowing is good. 😉 We don’t have the self confidence of thin women because we know we are looked down upon. Imagine what would happen if we had the same playing field?

That’s the point of my blog. Big Girls are never gonna have an even playing field but we should at least know that men do like us. Men choose us over thin women all the time. What we should all stop doing though is hating on each other and perpetuating the privilege that already exists. There is nothing wrong with being fat, if you are happy and comfortable in your skin and there is nothing wrong with being thin or wanting to be thin. There’s also nothing special about being either fat or thin. What counts, in the end, is being happy with who and what you are and being the best you that you can be. Self confidence is the best outfit in town but if you want a relationship you have to do more and be more than a pretty picture – regardless of size.

So, the next time you get dumped by a man who is with a “fat” girl, don’t ask yourself what the fuck is wrong with him. Ask yourself what the fuck did you have to offer him besides a pretty package?

Think about that for a bit…and let me know what you think.





Why I Hate Stupid Losers Who Can’t Get Laid…

keep-calm-and-ignore-this-losers-3I read a very flawed and ridiculously stupid blog post titled “Why I hate fat girls: Tipping the dating scales” written by 20 Nation. In it, he actually blames fat girls for thin chicks being too stuck up to give him a chance.

Fat girls are tipping the scale

The reason for the sexy girls being so stuck up is simple. When a girl is fat, she is no longer attractive to 99.9% of men. This means that the only guys chasing after her are the mythical “chubby chasers” or lower value guys (that don’t really want them, but are out of options.)

This means that 99.9% of men are desiring a now dwindling percentage of skinny girls. Now from those skinny girls there is a percentage that aren’t hot. So 99.9% of guys are now desiring an even smaller percentage of women.

This means that those women  that are hot are going to be fawned over, put on pedestals, sucked up too and hit on ALL THE TIME by 99.9% of men. Now there are some guys that don’t have the courage, confidence or game to go for the hot girls, but even they will usually say something awkwardly obvious to girls like these.

The result?

Hot girls in fat countries are stuck up

Because of an unnatural amount of guys sucking up to them and fawning over them, these women start to believe they are gods gift to planet earth; they think that their dating market value is much higher than it really is.

Then there is the fact that there should be more hot girls walking around, but those hot girls have turned themselves into Jabba the Hut. Many of these fat girls would actually be stunners if they took care of their body. If they did that, the small amount of hot girls wouldn’t get so much attention from so many men and the world would be a better place.

There is more, oh so much more. I laughed at the stupidity of his arguments. Seriously, it’s my fault and the fault of all the other BBWs and SSBBWs that he can’t get laid? Motherfucker, I get laid all the time. I’ve never had any problems getting laid despite that scientific figure of 0.1% of men thinking I’m fuckable. I must be a Chubby Chaser Chupacabra magnet because I’ve had so much dick thrown my way, in my lifetime, that if I’d said yes to all of them…I wouldn’t have had the time to marry twice and have 3 children because I’D STILL BE FUCKING THE LINE UP OF MEN INTERESTED IN BANGING ME!!!!!!

So, FUCK YOU LOSER. It’s not my fault you can’t get pussy. It’s not my fault you have masturbatory arthritis. It’s not my fault you need to invest in urns of lotion to slap your fucking limp dick.

IT’S YOUR FAULT, you dumb fuck.  Learn how to talk to women and stop blaming others. You might want to try to date in your league and it appears that Supermodels may not be the way to go.

Good Night!

(HT:The Tracks at Christie Road )

Facing The Past

Yesterday, while visiting my in-laws, I came face to face with my husband’s ex-fiancée to whom I was happily introduced by my MIL. The whole situation is a weird one. My MIL is buddies with this chick and despite the fact that my husband and I have been together for nearly 7 years (married 5 years this October), she’s still hoping for a reconciliation.  This is the kinda shit that sitcoms are made of and as a fan of sitcoms, I play along whenever I can.

Here’s the thing, I am not the least bit intimidated meeting or confronting ANYONE. EVER. I’m even less intimidated meeting any the women from my husband’s past. Maybe not everyone feels this way, maybe some of you don’t feel as comfortable facing the past of the person you are with but you should. These bitches are in his past for a reason. I could give a million gooey, lovey reasons why you should not be intimidated. For example: you are the NOW, his one and only, the one he chose to be with, to marry, the love of his life and so on. Those are all good reasons to not feel intimidated but they won’t work if …you are the least bit insecure, right? Insecurity will make you draw comparisons and fuel the insecurity fire. You’ll look at the list of past hopefuls and immediately determine which ones you are prettier than, which ones you are thinner than, smarter than, better boobs than, better ass than, etc…ultimately you will stumble across one or two that you come up short on…and then what? FEAR!!!! OMG! She’s prettier, sexier or whatever….he’ll want her back if he sees her. He’ll see that you are not as awesome as her!!!

In the height of your insecurity breakdown, you forgot that he is with you. He chose you, not her. There’s always going to be someone who is younger, prettier, sexier, smarter….those are not the reasons you build a relationship on. Those are the appetizers, not the main course. The main course includes things like loyalty, ability to love, companionship, common interests, kindness, affection, and a host of other things to which those superficial things are added. That makes up the whole person and not every pretty package has the important staples. Without the staples, you might, if you’re lucky, have 6 months of good to great sex and a shitty everything else. Relationships built on outward appearance alone are WORTHLESS. If you believe you are in a relationship with someone so shallow that you could lose him to someone else based on a set of “tremendous boobs”, then get out of that.  Seriously end it because you have nothing and if that’s the case…what exactly do you have to fear when facing the past of your man? Nothing! You can’t lose what you don’t have and if what you have is a great relationship – the past matters not.

This appears to be something my MIL doesn’t understand about my husband. He’s not with me for shallow reasons and he won’t dump me for them either.  If we split it will be because something either went missing or was fundamentally broken between us. It will not be for an ex who treated him like he didn’t matter, like he was nothing more than an endless supply of funding.  It doesn’t matter that she’s 9 years younger than me, more than a few pounds thinner or possibly has bigger tits (I’m a 38G, at some point, one more inch isn’t shit). She’s still a fucking cunt and that tends to overshadow the superficial shit.

Don’t be afraid of facing the past. If your present is on solid footing the past is not going to cause you any trouble and if your present is NOT on solid footing…better find out sooner rather than later when it will be much more painful. You may be wondering how that meeting went yesterday. It went fine, I said a boisterous hello and smiled like I just won the Miss Universe pageant and she was like a deer in headlights who scurried the fuck out as fast as her legs could carry her. 🙂

I say to all the women who came before me…

Namaste bitches!!

The Consolation Rim Job

I can’t help it. I know you may be thinking, “she’s just reblogging it because it’s her husband”. Nope…I’m reblogging it because it made me laugh my ass off. Not literally…because I actually know what literally fucking means but figuratively.

This was pretty hysterical. So, please enjoy The Consolation Rim Job. 😉

Break Over

I took a break due illness but it’s time to get off my fat ass and start writing again.


Tune in tomorrow for all new blogs!

How Do You Have Sex When You’re Fat?

Seriously, it’s not much different than having sex when you’re not fat. It’s mostly about approach, sometimes you need to make accommodations but really it’s a mindset more than anything.

You can’t enjoy sex if you’re mind isn’t in it. So, how can you get your mind in the right place? First, realize when someone wants to have sex with you, it’s because they want you. They know what you look like, you’re not fooling anyone into thinking you’re much thinner than you really are despite the girdles, Spanx, chronic sucking in of your gut…they know how you look and you look 1000 times better in their eyes than your own.  We magnify our flaws so we usually see ourselves in a worse light. I don’t know how many times I’ve pointed someone out to my husband and said, “I like her outfit and it looks good on her.  Since we are about the same size it should look good on me.” Only to have my husband tell me that I’m insane and that I see myself as much larger than reality. Not that it’s a big deal, I am comfy in my skin but it just proves that we all have a bit of body dysmorphia.

The bottom line is this, if someone wants to bang you, it’s because they are attracted to YOU. They want to see YOU NAKED. It’s a turn on not a turn off, stop hiding.

Depending on how big you are and how big your partner is, some positions won’t work without modification. No problem! Fucking modify that shit. There is a product on the market called the Liberator Wedge. I’ve not tried it but I might because it looks kinda awesome.  The most important thing about having sex while fat is that you ENJOY it.  I have a few rules that I have lived by and you should too regardless of your size.

  1. Don’t have sex with someone who puts you down
  2. Don’t have sex with someone ashamed to be in public with you
  3. Don’t have sex with someone who wants you to change who and what you are.
  4. Do have sex with the lights on and blankets off.
  5. Do wear sexy lingerie
  6. Do try new positions
  7. Do believe you’re sexy when someone tells you that you are
  8. Don’t dismiss or diminish compliments when given to you

This is a tip for FAs (Fat Admirers):

Don’t make it all about the fat

This is where a lot of fat admirers, whether they claim the identity or not, fuck up immediately. A lot of fat people, particularly fat women, have a hard time believing that someone could be sexually attracted to them. If someone comes along and is then only sexually attracted to their fat, well, it comes across as creepy. Coming across as creepy does not (except in some subcultures) generally result in you getting laid.

Being attracted to fat bodies is awesome. But if your lover thinks they are a stand in for just ANY OLD FAT BODY, that’s depersonalizing and not sexy (unless you’re both into that). Make it personal — if you love my fat belly, tell me you love MY fat belly and why.

Note: If you’re with a person because you love that person and you are not sure about their fat, that is a valid thing for you to feel. But it’s going to be tricky to navigate. Don’t be afraid of touching your fat lover’s body. Figure out what you love about the experience. Never, ever say, “I never thought I could enjoy sex with a fat person.”

The most important thing to remember about having sex when fat is to focus on what you’re feeling and not how you look. Nothing feels better than being loved and making love. Go with what’s happening and enjoy!


Happy Hump Day!

Want To Have A Great Relationship?

Stop trying to “win” arguments and simply love your spouse or significant other. In trying to win an argument, you often have to crush the person you are arguing with and in the end… you lose something even more important.

Is being right and alone better than being happy?

Think about that…