Open Marriages…Why?

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately by loving and committed couples who have open marriages. I don’t get it, no, let me re-phrase that. I don’t understand. I’ve thought long and hard on it and while I do understand why some couples have open marriages, I don’t understand why any couple who is in love with their spouse would choose to be open.

I am not a closed-minded prude by any stretch and I’m not judging anyone’s choices but this one boggles the shit out of me. Again, I am referring to people who say they are in LOVE with their spouse. I can come up with a few scenarios that make sense as to why any couple would choose to open their marriage. The first being that one of the participants is a prolific cheater and despite that the couple wants to stay together for financial reasons or because of their children or because marriage is a commitment and they still love their spouse despite the bad choices . Then it would make sense to make things fair and allow both to have their cake and eat it too. Another reason may be that one of the participants can’t or won’t have sex and it’s not fair to deny their loving partner something as fundamentally necessary as sex.  Other than that, I’m kinda stumped.

Why would you be in a marriage with someone who can’t or won’t actually commit to you? Sex is such a deeply personal thing. For women more so than men, sex is a very emotional thing. We need to feel something besides lust to have sex or at least convince ourselves that we do. I’m sure plenty of women will say bullshit to that but I’m not saying all women. I’m saying for most women, there are always exceptions. I’m just really trying to understand why people choose this route.

If you feel like you need to sow your wild oats, then sow them before you make the commitment to marry. If you need to spice up your love life then try new things with your partner. It’s not like you can’t talk to your spouse because if you couldn’t then bringing up opening your marriage would not be on the table.  I’m really having a hard time understanding how anyone in a good and stable marriage could do this and it not negatively impact your commitment to each other.  How can it not drive a permanent wedge between you? Can you really be okay knowing that the person you love and married is fucking another person or multiple persons?

Help me out here, what am I missing?




3 thoughts on “Open Marriages…Why?

  1. I feel the same about this issue. I was talking to someone in a whole other type of openness situation where she was supporting her husband in his affair with another woman as she believed that his intellectual needs weren’t being met by her (!) and I could not wrap my head around it.
    There is an old French Novel written way back in the eighteenth century which also comes up with the same these where the woman demands only “fidelity of the heart” as she writes in a love note to her love which is delivered by a beautiful prostitute (the prostitute is a gift to keep his spirits up)
    For me, personally, this is a topic i have wrestled with endlessly in my head and there are two conclusions I came to:
    1. The people who make this choice AND claim to be in love with each other have the freedom to make their own choices however much those choices are beyond my comprehension. Like they say, to each his own.
    2. I believe when I truly love someone, I would not be okay with an Open relationship/marriage and neither would want to be with a partner who is okay with that. That’s my way of making sense in this chaos.

  2. You’re not missing anything…you’re dead on point…open marriages are stupid and you’re setting yourself up for a divorce. I’ve never understood them either but I know I sure as hell don’t wanna be in one.

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