So She Cheated: Here’s Why

I need to state for the record that I have never been unfaithful to anyone – not a single boyfriend and neither my ex-husband nor my current one. That said, I was tempted to cheat in the past because of poor treatment. Though I chose not to do it, the desire to cheat is something I understand all too well. I am also the chosen confidant of many women and I know why they cheated. Using myself and my friends, I will endeavor to explain why so many women do commit adultery.

I would like to explain a few things about women. This would be pertaining to most normal women and not personality disordered women or that small minority of women that treat sex casually. Women, unlike men, need to have some sort of an emotional bond with someone to be intimate. We need to care, feel safe and believe that we are loved or will be loved before we get naked. Whereas most men simply need a hot ass or nice tits and a pulse …and they’re good to go. Exceptions are everywhere and I’m not gonna get dragged into that. Biologically men and women see sex differently and what gets us there is different.

When a man cheats, he can cheat without emotion. For many men, sex is just sex and they can still love their spouse and cheat with reckless abandon. For the most part women can’t do that. If your woman cheated on you…she’s done with you and she’s been done with you for a while.

Here are the top reasons women cheat:

1. Loss of Intimacy

When a couple gets into a routine, they have kids, they get stressed, they have money issues and start bickering. These things happen to all of us. One of the first things to go is emotional intimacy. You stop communicating, you lash out at her because your boss is a jerk, you get angry at her for every little slight whether real or perceived, you hold grudges, you don’t forgive when she apologizes for anything. These behaviors will eat you up inside until you stop caring…when you stop caring about the state of your relationship, you stop telling your wife what she means to you, you stop making her feel wanted, you treat her like an inconvenience, like a servant and she becomes easy pickings for any man who finds her attractive. And they will find her attractive and when she makes that leap into another man’s bed, she has also let him into her heart.

2. Neglect

You used to spend time together but now all you want to do is play video games, spend your free time on Facebook chatting with your friends or worse, go party with your friends leaving your wife home alone. ALONE. There really is only so much alone time any person can handle before they get lonely and bored. You won’t talk to her anymore, why bother? You’ve got the internet. She’s taking care of the kids, the house, the bills, all the duties you used to share. She tries to tell you that she’s lonely but you don’t care, you’ve gotten selfish. You lash out at her, ignore her even more and continue to put the needs of your friends whether real or in cyberspace ahead of her. You’ve told her both verbally and with body language that YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT HER or HER NEEDS. Her needs will not go away, she will simply need to do as you are doing and get them met elsewhere…and lucky for her there are plenty of men who want to show her a great time and tell her all the things you used to tell her when you cared enough about her to make her feel loved and special.

3. Abuse

Be it verbal, physical, emotional or anything else, an abusive spouse is a spouse begging to be left. If leaving isn’t possible because of threats or finances, cheating most definitely is possible and not only possible but pretty fucking likely. Keep calling her a cunt, keep pushing her around, keep telling her about all the women you’d be fucking if only you were single and I guarantee you this much – that tired cunt will be fucking your best friend or your neighbor faster than you can say “get me a beer, ya bitch!”

4. A Sexless or Perfunctory Sex Relationship

Sex is a necessary function for most of us. When the sex dries up, dwindles to the bare minimum or feels like you are just going through the motions… she’s gonna start thinking that you are cheating, that you no longer love her, that you find her undesirable and eventually the desire to go outside the marriage will be too hard to ignore. When you treat your woman like she’s not a participant in the act but merely a warm body that you are simply ejaculating into…she’s going to stop wanting to be that vessel for you.

She needs sex with emotion, she needs you to see her as more than a warm body and when you stop seeing her, she’s gonna start seeing someone behind your back.

5. Revenge

You cheated on her. You just needed something new, you still love her but you couldn’t help yourself. You needed a taste. It was only a one-night stand, or a quickie with a coworker in the parking lot. You banged some bitch on your lunch hour. You fooled your sweet little clueless wife…you really think she has no clue. You are a fucking IDIOT. She knows. She may not know who you cheated with but she knows you cheated and she is only biding her time. She will pay you back. She will fuck your shit up bad. While she’s fucking up your shit, she’s sucking your best friend’s cock. And not just him, she’s going to fuck your boss, your brother and if your Daddy is still in good shape – she’ll bang him too.

You cheat on your wife, do not be surprised if she pays you back tenfold.

So, to sum it up…cheating is WRONG. Cheating is a horrible and destructive thing to do. I do not condone it, I do not accept it and I do not think you are brave if you choose to do it. You’re an asshole who chose to do something despicable. There are many people who cheat for no reason beyond plain selfishness. There are plenty of people who are just pieces of worthless shit who do not know how to love another person and do not know how to care and be in a committed relationship.

That said, I understand why it sometimes happens. I also understand that in relationships both parties contribute to the good of it and the bad of it. In some cases as I’ve illustrated and my husband illustrated in his blog…people are driven away and make a bad situation worse by cheating. If you don’t want to be cheated on, you can try hard to avoid giving them a reason to betray you. It could still happen but if you want to be happy – treat your spouse like fine china. Because if you don’t, another man will…

In the real world, relationships are like business. Everybody is replaceable

7 thoughts on “So She Cheated: Here’s Why

  1. Pingback: So I Wrote a Blog: People Freaked Out | Trauma Central

  2. I usually agree with you, but I believe you missed the mark at the beginning. Men, in general, do attach love to sex but do it within the act. Men and women aren’t much different when it comes to emotional bonding. You’re buying in to the male, macho bullshit. When a man is ready to cheat, he hurts deep down in his soul. But how does it look? He’s a MAN! He can’t let a “little lady” hurt him. He lashes out. Anger. Hostility. Abuse.

    I’ve heard it said from someone smarter than me: Women need to feel loved to fully enjoy sex. Men need to have sex to feel fully loved. Men hurt just as women do when relationships break down. It’s the real man that will make himself vulnerable and let his lady know how hurt he is.

    When men cheat, and I have no experience with this but I believe I understand it because I’ve been close, they do it looking for the connection they’re not getting from their spouse. If the connection isn’t there, it’s just as meaningless to men as it is to women. THAT I do understand all too well.

    AND most studies show that women cheat more than men. Hmmmm.

    When men aren’t feeling the sexual connection with their wives, they usually ask three basic questions: “Am I not a good lover?”, “Are you no longer attracted to me?”, and the most important of the three, “Is there someone else?” Men usually tie their sexual prowess to their emotional connection. So when “how awesome in bed”, and “how handsome” they are is established, then they get to the heart of the matter. Love.

    When women aren’t feeling the emotional connection with their husbands, they usually ask but one question: “Are you in love with someone else?” because women need love first and foremost.

    • I think you misunderstand what I’m saying. I’m saying that guys don’t need an emotional bond to have sex with women.I’m using personal experience and anecdotal evidence to make that assertion but there are studies that confirm it. Men need attraction, women need to feel safe and secure to have sex with someone. I’m also not saying that men just cheat to cheat, I’m saying that a man can still love his spouse and still cheat because men don’t need that emotional bond with another for sex. I also said that there are exceptions to that general statement. Women who cheat usually (not always) but usually cheat because they are no longer in love with their spouse.

      I have not seen any studies that indicate women cheat at a higher rate than men. I’ve been looking and it’s consistent that men cheat at higher rates. If you have a link – I’d love to see those studies.

  3. Sorry, I mis-stated about more women cheating, The studies are showing that the number of women that admit to cheating is rising faster than the men. Men used to have a pretty good lead in the cheating category but the gap is closing and is only a few percentage points apart now.

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