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Sex Mistakes Women Make: The Beginning

A while back I wrote a couple of pieces on the mistakes that men make during sex with women. Now I want to cover mistakes that women make when fucking men. What? Women make mistakes? That’s crazy talk right? I mean what could we possibly do wrong? Plenty. I’m only going to cover three of the biggiest.

Mistake #1 – Initiating sex

You don’t do it. You simply don’t initiate any action at all. You wait until he wants it and if he doesn’t want it when you do – you get upset. Unless you’re dating a psychic, he’s not a fucking mind reader. You need to be a less passive partner. Men like to know they are desired by you as much as you like knowing you’re wanted by them. Despite the bravado, which is often a front – men can be a bit insecure as well. Let them know you want to fuck their brains out and it will make sex hotter for both of you.

Now you’re thinking…great how do I do that?

Use your words, your eyes, your body and leave the mind reading for the shysters.  Tell your man you want him in his hear or text him while he’s in the room with you, show him by talking dirty and caressing him thru his pants. I send dirty stories starring me to my man to get him heated up while he’s working. Then I’d text him naked pics of myself so he’d be hot and ready to go by the time he got home from work. Plenty of times “Hi honey, I’m home” didn’t get said until after he blew a load. sexting-3_0.png

Whatever it is – the key is to DO SOMETHING. If you are at home you can show him by avoiding Mistake #2.

Mistake #2 – Hiding Your Body

Men are visual – much more than women. So the thing that you should absolutely be doing is GETTING NAKED in front of your man. Stop focusing on all your flaws real or imagined  and try really hard to remember one very important thing. The man you are hiding your body from wants to fuck your brains out. That means he’s hot for you and your body. Nothing will get a man harder than actually seeing what you are covering up. So seriously…stop doing that!!! Show him the goods. Flaunt your body. Undress slowly. You can initiate sex by simply disrobing in front of him while staring into his eyes and smiling. Fuck him with the lights on and stop telling him all the reasons you are not hot. It’s a turn off. Shut your mouth, peel off your clothes, walk over to him and kiss him. He’ll take it from there.

Mistake #3 – Experimentation Vapors

You’ve been together for a while and your honey says to you – let’s try something new. You are not under any obligation to say yes, especially if what he’s suggesting turns you off. But you don’t need to freak out and start a fight over it either. Also, suggesting something new isn’t an insult to you, so don’t take it that way. It’s actually a compliment. It means that he feels comfortable enough with you and your relationship, that he’s willing to open up about other things that turn him on. Again, you are under no obligation to try it but you definitely should consider it unless it sounds super painful or the idea completely turns you off.  Relationships are a two-way street – and if you want him to do for you, you should be willing to do for him too.

The most important thing to remember is not to make him feel bad about opening up to you.  If you do, he’ll stop opening up and your relationship will eventually fizzle.

So there you have it some of the biggest mistakes women make with men in the bedroom.

Arousal for women begins in the brain but for men it begins with the eyes… they are more visual than women. It doesn’t make them less than us, it makes them different. So our approach to satisfying a man has to be different than their approach to satisfying us.

Hopefully you all understand how to start the process and now understand that for men, sex does not start in the bedroom, it starts wherever you  initiate it. A man will fuck you up against a brick wall if you let him….so tell him that you want him to do just that !

 

The Dating Pool In Your 30’s and Beyond

We’ve all seen the memes. The girls have one for the guys and the guys have one for the girls. Just in case you haven’t seen them, take a look:

girls30s
And this one…
30's guys

I’m going to be brutally honest when I tell you that IF the dating pool hasn’t changed for you, then the pool isn’t the problem.

You are.

Terminally single people in their 30s and beyond have a problem, actually many problems, but the biggest problem is that they keep picking the same person over and over again hoping and/or expecting this one will be different. It’s not. If you burn your hand on something hot, you learn very quickly not to touch hot things. This is not the case, however, when it comes to dating. Here’s how it looks when you are a terminally single person: You choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself and YOU LEARN NOTHING.

The dating pool isn’t a pool of shit, YOUR dating pool is a pool of shit because you’re standing in the same fucking pool you’ve been in since your 20’s. Nothing has changed because YOU haven’t changed and despite what you think — you haven’t grown. You can’t grow if you don’t learn from your mistakes and more importantly, you can’t learn from your mistakes if you don’t think you’ve made any.

Self-reflection or self-examination is a crucial skill to learn and employ. Self-examination means scrutiny of one’s own conduct, motives, desires, etc. If you can’t honestly assess yourself, you will NEVER grow as a person and if you don’t grow – you will keep dating in loserville.

You may now be wondering, what the fuck do I do? The first thing you should do is understand that every relationship is two people…unless you are poly-amorous. When two people are in a relationship then two people are to blame when shit goes wrong – just the same as two people are to be commended when things go right. So, when your relationship ended – it ended because you both fucked up. I know you know how THEY fucked up…but how did you contribute? Because you did. You absolutely fucked up too. Maybe you’re one of those people who thinks that jealousy = love, so you said or did things to make your partner jealous. Maybe you’re a bad listener, insecure, intolerant, hyper-critical, unrealistic, unforgiving or even a complete bitch. Take a look at all of your relationships – do you see any patterns in your behavior? The pattern you find is the very thing that is keeping you in the dating shit-pool.

Work on yourself and be more open to the possibilities – who knows you may find out that the dating pool in your 30s and beyond is really…

pictures-of-the-ocean-19

Dating/Relationship Myth #1: Smart Women Can’t Find Men

smartThis is code for uncompromising bitches who can’t find a sucker to put up with her shit.

The fact is this: the smarter the woman is the EASIER it is for her to find the right man because a smart woman recognizes a good man and treats him accordingly. I and other intelligent women in successful relationships find memes like this offensive bullshit.

It’s dumb women, who think that their shit doesn’t stink, that continue to choose THE WRONG MAN over and over and over; or act so high and mighty that they drive Mr. Right away with all their entitlement crap. Or even worse than that…get involved with married men and then think that somehow they will prove to be better or smarter than the poor beleaguered spouses who’ve been cuckolded. It is because of that, they remain chronically single into their mid-30’s and beyond. It’s NOT because they’re smart, it’s because they’re chronically selfish and self-indulgent and they do not know how to be a partner. They think they deserve to be a Princess. Smart women choose partners, they don’t choose peons or pimps.

Now I am NOT referring to women who deliberately and consciously choose to be single. I am talking about women who put memes like this on their Pinterest, Instagram or Facebook because they have been dumped/left …yet AGAIN.

You are not unable to find or keep a good man because you are too smart, fat, old, young, dumb, etc…you are unable to find/keep a good man because you are suffering from low self esteem and don’t believe you are worthy or you are a selfish little bitch.  Both conditions are curable but it’s likely the sufferers of low self esteem will actually prevail over the selfish types who think they are too awesome to “settle”. Honey, you’re not settling, you’re not worthy.

There is a huge difference between being a self confident woman and a stuck up bitch.  Self confident women believe they have worth, stuck up bitches believe no one is worthy of them.

Would you want to be with someone who thinks you don’t deserve them? Exactly.

Believe in yourself but not to the point of believing you are better than everyone else…that’s a line you should never cross.

So She Cheated: Here’s Why

I need to state for the record that I have never been unfaithful to anyone – not a single boyfriend and neither my ex-husband nor my current one. That said, I was tempted to cheat in the past because of poor treatment. Though I chose not to do it, the desire to cheat is something I understand all too well. I am also the chosen confidant of many women and I know why they cheated. Using myself and my friends, I will endeavor to explain why so many women do commit adultery.

I would like to explain a few things about women. This would be pertaining to most normal women and not personality disordered women or that small minority of women that treat sex casually. Women, unlike men, need to have some sort of an emotional bond with someone to be intimate. We need to care, feel safe and believe that we are loved or will be loved before we get naked. Whereas most men simply need a hot ass or nice tits and a pulse …and they’re good to go. Exceptions are everywhere and I’m not gonna get dragged into that. Biologically men and women see sex differently and what gets us there is different.

When a man cheats, he can cheat without emotion. For many men, sex is just sex and they can still love their spouse and cheat with reckless abandon. For the most part women can’t do that. If your woman cheated on you…she’s done with you and she’s been done with you for a while.

Here are the top reasons women cheat:

1. Loss of Intimacy

When a couple gets into a routine, they have kids, they get stressed, they have money issues and start bickering. These things happen to all of us. One of the first things to go is emotional intimacy. You stop communicating, you lash out at her because your boss is a jerk, you get angry at her for every little slight whether real or perceived, you hold grudges, you don’t forgive when she apologizes for anything. These behaviors will eat you up inside until you stop caring…when you stop caring about the state of your relationship, you stop telling your wife what she means to you, you stop making her feel wanted, you treat her like an inconvenience, like a servant and she becomes easy pickings for any man who finds her attractive. And they will find her attractive and when she makes that leap into another man’s bed, she has also let him into her heart.

2. Neglect

You used to spend time together but now all you want to do is play video games, spend your free time on Facebook chatting with your friends or worse, go party with your friends leaving your wife home alone. ALONE. There really is only so much alone time any person can handle before they get lonely and bored. You won’t talk to her anymore, why bother? You’ve got the internet. She’s taking care of the kids, the house, the bills, all the duties you used to share. She tries to tell you that she’s lonely but you don’t care, you’ve gotten selfish. You lash out at her, ignore her even more and continue to put the needs of your friends whether real or in cyberspace ahead of her. You’ve told her both verbally and with body language that YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT HER or HER NEEDS. Her needs will not go away, she will simply need to do as you are doing and get them met elsewhere…and lucky for her there are plenty of men who want to show her a great time and tell her all the things you used to tell her when you cared enough about her to make her feel loved and special.

3. Abuse

Be it verbal, physical, emotional or anything else, an abusive spouse is a spouse begging to be left. If leaving isn’t possible because of threats or finances, cheating most definitely is possible and not only possible but pretty fucking likely. Keep calling her a cunt, keep pushing her around, keep telling her about all the women you’d be fucking if only you were single and I guarantee you this much – that tired cunt will be fucking your best friend or your neighbor faster than you can say “get me a beer, ya bitch!”

4. A Sexless or Perfunctory Sex Relationship

Sex is a necessary function for most of us. When the sex dries up, dwindles to the bare minimum or feels like you are just going through the motions… she’s gonna start thinking that you are cheating, that you no longer love her, that you find her undesirable and eventually the desire to go outside the marriage will be too hard to ignore. When you treat your woman like she’s not a participant in the act but merely a warm body that you are simply ejaculating into…she’s going to stop wanting to be that vessel for you.

She needs sex with emotion, she needs you to see her as more than a warm body and when you stop seeing her, she’s gonna start seeing someone behind your back.

5. Revenge

You cheated on her. You just needed something new, you still love her but you couldn’t help yourself. You needed a taste. It was only a one-night stand, or a quickie with a coworker in the parking lot. You banged some bitch on your lunch hour. You fooled your sweet little clueless wife…you really think she has no clue. You are a fucking IDIOT. She knows. She may not know who you cheated with but she knows you cheated and she is only biding her time. She will pay you back. She will fuck your shit up bad. While she’s fucking up your shit, she’s sucking your best friend’s cock. And not just him, she’s going to fuck your boss, your brother and if your Daddy is still in good shape – she’ll bang him too.

You cheat on your wife, do not be surprised if she pays you back tenfold.

So, to sum it up…cheating is WRONG. Cheating is a horrible and destructive thing to do. I do not condone it, I do not accept it and I do not think you are brave if you choose to do it. You’re an asshole who chose to do something despicable. There are many people who cheat for no reason beyond plain selfishness. There are plenty of people who are just pieces of worthless shit who do not know how to love another person and do not know how to care and be in a committed relationship.

That said, I understand why it sometimes happens. I also understand that in relationships both parties contribute to the good of it and the bad of it. In some cases as I’ve illustrated and my husband illustrated in his blog…people are driven away and make a bad situation worse by cheating. If you don’t want to be cheated on, you can try hard to avoid giving them a reason to betray you. It could still happen but if you want to be happy – treat your spouse like fine china. Because if you don’t, another man will…

In the real world, relationships are like business. Everybody is replaceable

UnEven Relationships

What exactly is an uneven relationship? It’s basically when more is expected from one person than the other person is willing to give in return. It’s a powerplay, in a sense, but mostly it’s an unhealthy thing in any relationship whether it’s romantic, friendship, familial or business.

It can be really draining to a person and a relationship when one person has an expectation of being treated like royalty while getting angry about being asked to return the favor. It’s predatory and to the person on the low end of the relationship it becomes draining both physically and emotionally. You feel disillusioned (at best) and endlessly used (at worst).

Now don’t get me wrong, there are often times when a relationship goes through rough patches and temporarily one person will pull more weight than the other. I’m not talking about normal ups and downs or bumps in the road when one person must step up emotionally or physically until the other person is back on their game. I’m talking about a pervasive pattern of “all for me” and “none for you”.

Here’s an example from my past. I was in a relationship with someone that had a lot of emotional needs. He required a lot of support, lots of listening to his issues/problems and tons of love and understanding. I gave it without reservation. I was there doing all I could to be a supportive girlfriend. You do these things when you are in love. After a while, I started to notice a pattern. His problems and needs were important to him but when I needed a shoulder, I was often ignored or overlooked. When he did attempt to be there for me, he’d lose his temper if I took too long expressing my pain or my needs. He would get angry, lash out and tell me I was too emotionally needy and that I needed to stop demanding more than he could give me. He made me feel deeply ashamed for asking him for anything. It hurt, a lot. It hurt worse when he would ignore me but be there for his friends and acquaintances. He would be the first person to volunteer to help others through their problems but when it came to me and my pain…he was absent. I didn’t understand why he could be so kind and understanding with people he barely knew and so heartless to me. After a while, I became absent emotionally and the relationship just crumbled.

You can’t be with someone who expects to be treated and worshiped like a King/Queen but then treats you like “the help”. It’s bad and if you have that dynamic, you should walk away, if you can. Things are unlikely to change once it’s a pattern. Patterns become habits and habits are often impossible to break. Once your relationship becomes entrenched in this pattern everything you loved about this person starts to slowly die and if you can’t reach them and make them understand what they are doing to you…your relationship will die.

If you are with someone who truly loves you, you will be able to reach them. The most important thing then becomes – did you reach them before your love died? If you did, you will save your relationship. If you didn’t, you will just prolong the inevitable and cause more pain and suffering along the way. You can’t be afraid to put the work into your relationship, if the love is strong then it’s worth every effort you can muster to repair it. You also should not be afraid to pull the plug. Don’t allow feelings like fear of being alone or fear of the unknown prevent you from doing what’s necessary for survival.

Like Kenny Rogers said,

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run
You never count your money
When you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin’
When the dealin’s done

Thin Privilege

I read a great piece about the subject of Thin Privilege, a thing most people don’t realize even exists but as a fat chick I can say that it does and spells it out beautifully. Read this:

Is being fat really the worst thing a person can be? Is it worse than being a liar, a cheat, a gossip mongrel, a rapist, a sadist, an asshole, a horrible person, or a complete waste of a human life?

Sadly, the answer is yes. Yes, because we live in a society that looks down upon people, simply based on the amount of space they take. Never mind their intellect, their creativity, their sense of humor, their kindness, their compassion. We live in a society where a fat person is first, and foremost, fat. That is their premier identifier. And everything else they are, everything they want to be comes afterwards.

Once I realized this, I realized the following, as well:
1.) I am more privileged than I will ever know.
2.) My thinness has gotten me interviews over other women.
3.) My thinness has gotten me the attention of men.
4.) My thinness is equated to beauty.
5.) If my career goes down the drain, my family life falls apart, I end up with no friends, and my life spirals down to a complete fail, I will still be thin. And that will count for something.
6.) All of the above disgust me to no end.
7.) Just as a fat person is primarily identified by their fatness, a thin person is primarily identified by their thinness.

These are all valid points and I agree with her. I believe we live in a world with many different types of privilege but thin privilege is one that affect ALL of us without regard to race, religion, sex or socio-economic status. We all experience it and nobody pays attention to it because society has deemed fat people as unhealthy, unattractive and unwelcome. We’re fine with that because we all hate fat people, we hate them even more than we hate smokers!

Even fat people engage in it. How many times have you, as a fat person, seen another fat person and felt BETTER when you realized you were thinner? How many times have you been pissed when you got dumped for someone fatter than you? It’s really hypocritical but we’ve all done it.

There are many thin women who wonder how in the Hell do us fat chicks get men?. And further, how in the Hell can the man you loved leave you or cheat on you with a woman not as hot as you (i.e. fatter)? You struggle to understand why and how this happens. I’ll fill you in.

Because most of you have benefited from the privileges of thinness, you’ve never had to try hard to get a man. Getting a man is easy, keeping him gets trickier.  Being thin and presumed pretty means you didn’t have to be interesting, funny or even nice. Privileged people assume the world is their oyster because it often is but not when it comes to relationships. Eventually, the shallowness of your relationship will wean and there has to be something more that you have to offer than being thin/pretty and if you don’t have anything, you’ll lose that man you didn’t even break a sweat winning. Fat girls have to try harder, work harder, be more than just fat to win a man. We have to be funny, nice, interesting, pretty helps but not all of us are and when we’re fat pretty isn’t assumed like it is when you’re thin. Basically, fat chicks have to rock their personalities and if they do…the men, even the ones who say they don’t like fat girls, start to get won over. A great personality makes people more attractive. Did you ever notice that someone that you didn’t think was that hot suddenly starts getting hotter the more you get to know and like them? Yeah…that’s how we do it. That’s how us fat chicks get men away from the thin/pretty privileged girls and that’s how we keep them. We didn’t get them because our bodies were perfect, we got them because we worked hard to get them, we work hard to keep them and we make them feel loved and appreciated. We don’t treat men like they are lucky to stand next to us, we treat them like we are lucky and proud to be with them. We make men feel like men and we swallow. Swallowing is good. 😉 We don’t have the self confidence of thin women because we know we are looked down upon. Imagine what would happen if we had the same playing field?

That’s the point of my blog. Big Girls are never gonna have an even playing field but we should at least know that men do like us. Men choose us over thin women all the time. What we should all stop doing though is hating on each other and perpetuating the privilege that already exists. There is nothing wrong with being fat, if you are happy and comfortable in your skin and there is nothing wrong with being thin or wanting to be thin. There’s also nothing special about being either fat or thin. What counts, in the end, is being happy with who and what you are and being the best you that you can be. Self confidence is the best outfit in town but if you want a relationship you have to do more and be more than a pretty picture – regardless of size.

So, the next time you get dumped by a man who is with a “fat” girl, don’t ask yourself what the fuck is wrong with him. Ask yourself what the fuck did you have to offer him besides a pretty package?

Think about that for a bit…and let me know what you think.

 

 

 

 

Why I Hate Stupid Losers Who Can’t Get Laid…

keep-calm-and-ignore-this-losers-3I read a very flawed and ridiculously stupid blog post titled “Why I hate fat girls: Tipping the dating scales” written by 20 Nation. In it, he actually blames fat girls for thin chicks being too stuck up to give him a chance.

Fat girls are tipping the scale

The reason for the sexy girls being so stuck up is simple. When a girl is fat, she is no longer attractive to 99.9% of men. This means that the only guys chasing after her are the mythical “chubby chasers” or lower value guys (that don’t really want them, but are out of options.)

This means that 99.9% of men are desiring a now dwindling percentage of skinny girls. Now from those skinny girls there is a percentage that aren’t hot. So 99.9% of guys are now desiring an even smaller percentage of women.

This means that those women  that are hot are going to be fawned over, put on pedestals, sucked up too and hit on ALL THE TIME by 99.9% of men. Now there are some guys that don’t have the courage, confidence or game to go for the hot girls, but even they will usually say something awkwardly obvious to girls like these.

The result?

Hot girls in fat countries are stuck up

Because of an unnatural amount of guys sucking up to them and fawning over them, these women start to believe they are gods gift to planet earth; they think that their dating market value is much higher than it really is.

Then there is the fact that there should be more hot girls walking around, but those hot girls have turned themselves into Jabba the Hut. Many of these fat girls would actually be stunners if they took care of their body. If they did that, the small amount of hot girls wouldn’t get so much attention from so many men and the world would be a better place.

There is more, oh so much more. I laughed at the stupidity of his arguments. Seriously, it’s my fault and the fault of all the other BBWs and SSBBWs that he can’t get laid? Motherfucker, I get laid all the time. I’ve never had any problems getting laid despite that scientific figure of 0.1% of men thinking I’m fuckable. I must be a Chubby Chaser Chupacabra magnet because I’ve had so much dick thrown my way, in my lifetime, that if I’d said yes to all of them…I wouldn’t have had the time to marry twice and have 3 children because I’D STILL BE FUCKING THE LINE UP OF MEN INTERESTED IN BANGING ME!!!!!!

So, FUCK YOU LOSER. It’s not my fault you can’t get pussy. It’s not my fault you have masturbatory arthritis. It’s not my fault you need to invest in urns of lotion to slap your fucking limp dick.

IT’S YOUR FAULT, you dumb fuck.  Learn how to talk to women and stop blaming others. You might want to try to date in your league and it appears that Supermodels may not be the way to go.

Good Night!

(HT:The Tracks at Christie Road )

The BEBs or Big Ego Bitches

We’ve all met these assholes. Gawd, they’re a fucking pain in the ass. These bitches make you fantasize about violence, which is annoying because I’d much rather fantasize about eating a never-ending Chocolate Nutella Torte without gaining a single pound. Am I right?

Hello Lover:
nutella

But I can’t do that because I have some stupid bitch and her ego to deal with and so do you! These fucking Bebs ruin shit for the rest of us. They normally go after good guys, play all sort of mind games, ruin them and leave them for a bigger and more financially solvent catch. These women are often personality disordered, though, they are just as often just annoyingly stuck up and entitled. Don’t get it twisted there are some Big Girls who have big overinflated egos too.

What’s the difference between being self confident and being a Beb? Self confidence means you have a good yet realistic opinion of yourself. You believe you have worth and value. A Beb is given to talking about herself. She’s vain, boastful, and opinionated. She says shit like: I’m not mean, I’m honest or I’m a maneater. She is indifferent to the well-being of others. Basically, she’s a selfish little bitch and when you meet her the desire to slap the shit out of her is nearly uncontrollable.

Now we have a population laced with men damaged by these Bebs and women with low self esteem damaged by unrealistic societal standards, trying to find men and women who they think will save them from a pit of despair. Women want a perfect Prince Charming and men want a Cinderella with porn star blow job skills. And me, I just want to have my Chocolate torte, a sturdy fork and my naked, sexy husband fucking me so hard I burn off every single calorie before we leave the kitchen.

 

 

Who do you think is gonna have the best chance at success? I’ll give you a hint…it’s me! Why? Because I learned a long time ago that Fairy Tales aren’t real and so I know I can’t eat a never-ending torte and not gain weight unless I burn off an equal number of calories. Enter this man: Hot, sexy, bearded with tattoos and lots of muscles. He’ll give me the workout I need to enjoy an afternoon of indulgence.

ducklips

None of us are perfect, what we should be seeking is not some Fairy Tale Prince or Princess but an imperfect human that has qualities and values similar to us. An imperfect but perfect for you- human being, that’s your goal. It’s not going to be easy because we all have our own baggage wain loaded full of damage from our pasts but it can be done.

A Few Universal Rules for Love

Don’t try to change the person you love, accept them as they are and help them, if they ask you, to better themselves because they want to not because you require it.

Drop the magical thinking. Marriage/relationship will not make someone suddenly suitable. If they have personality flaws you don’t like, accept them as they are or drop them. You can’t “change them”.

The first 6 months of every relationship is a “honeymoon”. This is NOT the whole person, this is as good as it gets and it likely won’t stay this good – all the time.  We all put our best faces on and our best feet forward, in the beginning. The real person? You’ll meet them by end of your first year together. Don’t rush the wedding….

😉

 

 

 

How Do You Have Sex? The ATM Edition

This question is one I’ve never had asked of me by a man before; though I’ve been asked about something similar and that will be a different blog post. Without further ado, let’s see the question:

I have another question for your blog. I am a little embarrassed, but don’t know where to talk about this. I have been seeing someone off and on for a year and he recently brought up ATM (ass to mouth). I had no clue what that even meant. I’m pretty adventurous when it comes to sex, but this is a bit over the top for me. Should I say hell no or get drunk and let loose? Everything I Googled about it is negative or porn. I know this is explicit, but he eats my ass out ALL the time, but the thought of traces of feces in my mouth sickens me.

Ass to mouth. Does everyone know exactly what that means? If you don’t, it means going from anal sex straight to a blow job without pause to clean off. Everyone on the same page? Hence her concern about getting shit in her mouth. It’s not an irrational concern in the least. There is almost no way for you to not, at best, get Dirty Sanchezed or a full on ingestion of your poop… at worst. There are millions of bacteria in the rectum and even if you wash and use enemas prior, you can’t stop your digestive track from functioning.

Some may claim that there is a way to make it safe and I suppose if you use a condom during anal, remove it and give him head with a fresh condom on or bareback that can minimize the risk but there’s no way to be 100% sure you are clean.

Rim jobs are a horse of a different color. You can make sure your asshole is clean enough for a tongue to do some tickling in that area. Being deeply penetrated by a man’s cock is not the same as a shallow dipping of a tongue.

Here’s my personal opinion on this act. It’s humiliating. I’m not sure how going from anal to a blow job increases sexual pleasure for a man and if I’m wrong, I’d like a man to PLEASE TELL ME.  It wasn’t something that happened in the “heat of passion”, it’s something you were asked upfront if you’d be willing to do. If you say yes, you will be allowing someone to degrade and humiliate you during a very intimate act. Now, if you are sexually aroused by being degraded and humiliated (and some are) then I guess you should go for it – just take as many precautions as you can to avoid becoming seriously ill.

Even the definition in the Urban Dictionary for ATM is similar to my opinion:

“One of the newer marketing ploys in pornography is called “ATM” (“ass to mouth”), where the male performer anally penetrates a woman and then sticks his penis into her mouth, often joking about her having to eat shit. In this pornography the code of debasement is most stark. There is no apparent increase in male sexual pleasure by moving directly from the anus to the mouth outside of the humiliation that the woman must endure.”

(Robert Wosnitzer et al, 2006, “Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography: A Content Analysis”, p. 23)

Men who enjoy the suffering and humiliation of women (=”ass to mouth”), are diagnosed with paraphilia (“sexual deviancy” in scientific terms) according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders by the American Psychiatric Association and the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems by the World Health Organization.

I’m not saying ours is the only opinion. I’m sure many will disagree. I feel that in your question, you already knew the answer and the answer will always be the same. If you feel uncomfortable doing something, then don’t do it. We need to trust our instincts more and allow people to manipulate us less.

Hope this helped.

Don’t Get Stuck On An Adjective…

You are more than just your outward appearance, more than just a physical description of your outer shell and that is all an adjective is…

My blog is written for Big Girls because that is what I am and have always been but most of what I say can be useful to anyone. No matter what you look like on the outside, be it fat, thin, chubby, medium, blond, brunette, redhead, tall, short, average…African-American, White or Latina; we all have insecurities to tackle and that is the driving force behind every post on this blog. The adjectives I use are irrelevant, so don’t get hung up on them.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept WHO you are and go from there, especially if you can’t change it.

Can a Big Girl lose the weight? Absolutely. Can you change your hair color? Sure. Can you change your race? Not bloody likely and I’ll be honest, while a big girl CAN lose weight it’s nearly as hard to do that and keep it off as it is to change your ethnicity.  It’s simply much easier to change your attitude and perception and that is my ultimate goal. Love yourself for who and what you are and you will then allow others to love you too.

Yesterday, my husband wrote How to Date a Fat Admirer. In it he gave a short list of rules you should follow to be successful in the realm of love.  As I suspected, there were some readers that took exception to his use of the adjective “fat” to describe the women he was speaking too. The title was self-explanatory, he is and always has been a man who finds BBWs sexy. He’s dated all kinds of women, all shapes and sizes but at the end of the day his preference has always leaned heavily (pun intended) towards us curvy, fat chicks. It’s what he likes and he is not ashamed of it. I certainly appreciate the Hell out it, I’ll tell you that. There has been nothing more refreshing and amazing than being with a man, who, loves the one thing about you that you’ve been told your entire life has made you UNWORTHY of love.

His biggest struggle with dating and loving BBWs is that some of them have made him feel like there was something WRONG with him for being attracted to THEM! Does that sound rational? It isn’t but that’s what happens when years of self-loathing meet up with genuine attraction. It’s like the Clash of the fucking Titans. You want to be loved for who you are and when you meet someone willing to do exactly that – YOU SHAME HIM FOR IT.

I get it. You want to be loved for your mind and not just as a sex object. What makes you so fucking special and different than every other person on the planet? 😉 Human beings start off most relationships the same way – mutual attraction. Seriously, it took me nearly 10 years to realize Brad Pitt could really act…I’d never noticed that before. Sorry Brad, your hotness is distracting.

The reality is that you want to be loved ONLY for who you are on the inside because you’ve been told over and over that who you are on the outside is not worthy of being loved. So, naturally, if you meet someone, who, finds you attractive and sexy…there must be something wrong with them. There isn’t anything wrong with them, they just know what they like and they are confident in that knowledge. Don’t make them feel the same thing you’ve been made to feel your entire life…ashamed for who they are.

Love yourself, accept yourself, change what you don’t like but start with the shit on the inside because being fat is not your problem…it’s a symptom.

Self-loathing is your problem. Fix that and then you’ll know that you are worthy of love and you’ll stop driving people away. Oh and for fuck’s sake – make love with the lights on, your clothes and blankets off!!! How do you expect to achieve all FOUR types of female orgasm if your partner can’t see anything or access anything besides your damn pussy. By God, he won’t be able to eat you out properly, if he can’t see what he’s about! 😉

Think about it…