Sex Mistakes Women Make: The Beginning

A while back I wrote a couple of pieces on the mistakes that men make during sex with women. Now I want to cover mistakes that women make when fucking men. What? Women make mistakes? That’s crazy talk right? I mean what could we possibly do wrong? Plenty. I’m only going to cover three of the biggiest.

Mistake #1 – Initiating sex

You don’t do it. You simply don’t initiate any action at all. You wait until he wants it and if he doesn’t want it when you do – you get upset. Unless you’re dating a psychic, he’s not a fucking mind reader. You need to be a less passive partner. Men like to know they are desired by you as much as you like knowing you’re wanted by them. Despite the bravado, which is often a front – men can be a bit insecure as well. Let them know you want to fuck their brains out and it will make sex hotter for both of you.

Now you’re thinking…great how do I do that?

Use your words, your eyes, your body and leave the mind reading for the shysters.  Tell your man you want him in his hear or text him while he’s in the room with you, show him by talking dirty and caressing him thru his pants. I send dirty stories starring me to my man to get him heated up while he’s working. Then I’d text him naked pics of myself so he’d be hot and ready to go by the time he got home from work. Plenty of times “Hi honey, I’m home” didn’t get said until after he blew a load. sexting-3_0.png

Whatever it is – the key is to DO SOMETHING. If you are at home you can show him by avoiding Mistake #2.

Mistake #2 – Hiding Your Body

Men are visual – much more than women. So the thing that you should absolutely be doing is GETTING NAKED in front of your man. Stop focusing on all your flaws real or imagined  and try really hard to remember one very important thing. The man you are hiding your body from wants to fuck your brains out. That means he’s hot for you and your body. Nothing will get a man harder than actually seeing what you are covering up. So seriously…stop doing that!!! Show him the goods. Flaunt your body. Undress slowly. You can initiate sex by simply disrobing in front of him while staring into his eyes and smiling. Fuck him with the lights on and stop telling him all the reasons you are not hot. It’s a turn off. Shut your mouth, peel off your clothes, walk over to him and kiss him. He’ll take it from there.

Mistake #3 – Experimentation Vapors

You’ve been together for a while and your honey says to you – let’s try something new. You are not under any obligation to say yes, especially if what he’s suggesting turns you off. But you don’t need to freak out and start a fight over it either. Also, suggesting something new isn’t an insult to you, so don’t take it that way. It’s actually a compliment. It means that he feels comfortable enough with you and your relationship, that he’s willing to open up about other things that turn him on. Again, you are under no obligation to try it but you definitely should consider it unless it sounds super painful or the idea completely turns you off.  Relationships are a two-way street – and if you want him to do for you, you should be willing to do for him too.

The most important thing to remember is not to make him feel bad about opening up to you.  If you do, he’ll stop opening up and your relationship will eventually fizzle.

So there you have it some of the biggest mistakes women make with men in the bedroom.

Arousal for women begins in the brain but for men it begins with the eyes… they are more visual than women. It doesn’t make them less than us, it makes them different. So our approach to satisfying a man has to be different than their approach to satisfying us.

Hopefully you all understand how to start the process and now understand that for men, sex does not start in the bedroom, it starts wherever you  initiate it. A man will fuck you up against a brick wall if you let him….so tell him that you want him to do just that !


What Every (Big) Girl Should Know: How To Use A Vibrator

I received a great email from Elizabeth at Carvaka Adult Toys and she wanted to share with my readers some great tips on how to properly use a vibrator. What a great idea! Not everyone knows how and many don’t feel comfortable asking. Now you don’t have to, Elizabeth has kindly written this piece and shared with us a “How-To Guide” and graphic. So, without any further ado….

Get the Most from your Vibrator!

So you’ve bought your vibrator, it arrives to your door in discreet packaging and your excitement levels are heightened. What if this is your first vibe though? You might not really know how to get your desired orgasm!

If that is the case, don’t fear because you are certainly not alone. The sex toy industry is literally worth billions annually all over the world and vibrators certainly make up a large bulk of that but there are beginners to everything in this world and everyone has to start somewhere.

Even if you are a Sex and the City aficionado and have watched all the episodes of Girls that have been produced, you still might not know how to get the most from your vibe!

People sometimes like to build up a collection of vibrators too so it’s important to know how to extend the life of them. You must remember that these toys will likely be going inside or at the very least will be rubbing against some of your private parts so you also want to know how to keep them sanitized and clean. Who wants a nasty infection from something so pretty?

Vibrators are often seen as the toy for single women but this couldn’t be further from the truth; couples can enjoy vibes as part of a really fun and healthy sex life, it is just to know how to do it!

This infographic from Carvaka Adult Toys details how to get the most from your vibrator; it explains how to set the scene to using the toy to achieve a wonderful orgasm; it details the types of lubricant you can use; it explains the different type of vibes to give different types of orgasms and also how to look after your vibrator so that it lasts a long time…check it out below!


Carvaka IG How to Use A Vibrator

The Politics of Shaming

I was undecided until probably 2 days before I voted in the Primary. Cruz, Rubio… Rubio, Cruz… back and forth till I selected Cruz. I was happy with my choice. I love hearing and reading about why my friends support who they support. I disagree with some, agree with others, but I generally am happy to be an American who can cast a ballot for my choice in a free election, as can all of us. Here is what I am not happy about: the shaming, the emotional blackmail, the smears, the threats. This is not just Republican vs. Democrat, it’s Republican vs Republican vs Democrat vs Democrat Socialist. We are eating our own and the other side as well.

I am not joining any #NeverAnyone cause because it’s my own fucking business who I choose to support and why. It is my right as a citizen of this country to vote MY CONSCIENCE and MY BELIEFS, and I am NOT going to succumb to the blackmail. (Unfriend me now if you support [fill in the blank]). There is a reason the founding fathers wanted the ballots secret.

I would never stop being friends with anyone who didn’t think like me… I’m kind of a nut. I’d end up friendless if I did that and life would be boring as shit if you lived in a vacuous hole where everyone thinks you are great and agrees with everything you say. No thanks. I prefer to be challenged.

My favorite has been the insults to intelligence. Democrats think all Republicans are stupid. Republicans who don’t support Trump think Trump supporters are “low information” voters, and Republicans think Bernie supporters are brainless sheeple. [Okay that last one is right. J/K] Disagreements are expected, but this sort of hypocritical disrespect is getting old, real quick.

The one that has me on the verge of committing felonious assault by verbal fisking is the tarring and feathering of people using the actions of others. “If you support Trump you are a racist, violent thug because Trump supporters are violent, racist thugs.” Listen up assholes, the only thing people who support a candidate definitely have in common is their support for the candidate. If you don’t ask each one why they support the candidate, then you don’t know why.

When did it become the “norm” to blame someone for the actions of someone else? Using that rationale, let’s see if I can tarnish you.

Hitler was an artist and a vegetarian. So if you like art or are a vegetarian then you hate the Jews and support Nazism.

Ted Bundy was a Methodist who was involved in the Boy Scouts of America for many years. So …follow your own logic.

I hope you all are understanding my point. Some people are single issue voters and others are not. We have free elections in this country because all of our voices are equally important and deserve to be heard.

You can disagree with someone, but that does not make the other person: stupid, blind, racist, sheeple, low-information, a bully, a thug, a misogynist, or whatever else is being said.

I have good friends who are strong and loyal supporters of every single candidate running. None of those people are bad nor stupid. We simply disagree and that’s okay.

This is America, bitches… opposition is a way of life, but respect should be too.

Why “be the better person” is bullshit advice for someone from a dysfunctional family

Some good advice if you’re caught in weird dysfunctional family dynamics…also why I hate when people give advice without getting all the facts.

Trauma Central

dys  Forgive and forget…

You need to let it go…

Put your pride aside…

Be the better/bigger person…

You’re better than that…

Don’t let it bother you…

All this advice is a big, steaming crock of shit!

For those just tuning in, I’ve chosen to go no contact with a specific family member. This means no talking, visiting, phone calls, text messages, nothing. When some people hear this, they jump straight from their soapbox onto their high horse and proceed to lecture me about how I need to “be the better person” and let this family member back into my life because, well… it’s just something I have to do.

The people that give me this advice either don’t know shit about dysfunctional families, or they don’t give a shit about my emotional well being. Either way, I don’t have time for their namby-pamby bullshit.

Newsflash for the armchair relationship…

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The Clean Hands Doctrine of Relationships

hands3The law has a very well known doctrine that Judge’s use when determining whether or not a person is entitled to a claim, they call it the Clean Hands Doctrine. It states:

n. a rule of law that a person coming to court with a lawsuit or petition for a court order must be free from unfair conduct (have “clean hands” or not have done anything wrong) in regard to the subject matter of his/her claim. His/her activities not involved in the legal action can be abominable because they are considered irrelevant. As an affirmative defense (positive response) a defendant might claim the plaintiff (party suing him/her) has a “lack of clean hands” or “violates the clean hands doctrine” because the plaintiff has misled the defendant or has done something wrong regarding the matter under consideration. Example: A former partner sues on a claim that he was owed money on a consulting contract with the partnership when he left, but the defense states that the plaintiff (party suing) has tried to get customers from the partnership by spreading untrue stories about the remaining partner’s business practices.

This is something that I believe should apply in relationships as well. Don’t make demands on your partner with dirty hands. Don’t speak out of both sides of your mouth, this *demand* applies to you but I can do whatever I want.

Relationships are partnerships NOT dictatorships. I understand that some things require discussion as all situations are unique. My point is that if you have lines that you believe can’t be crossed then you’d better make sure you are living up to the same standards you expect from your partner…which means don’t cross THEIR LINES.

We all have what we call “Deal Breakers” in relationships. Having “clean hands” would mean that if your partner crossed your line, you’d better be damn sure YOU behaved perfectly and did not violate any of your partner’s lines before you give an ultimatum or you will lose your partner.

The law doesn’t reward dishonest people because dishonest people aren’t victims of the situation, they are equally to blame. When your hands get dirty in your relationship, you aren’t a victim either…you’re just dishonest.

I’m Still Alive

Just been super busy with life and my new job. Sorry I’ve been neglectful, I’m hoping to have some new stuff up soon. I’m behind on reading some of my favorite bloggers too!

Hope everyone is thawing out and looking forward to the warmer weather. I know I sure am. Keep watching, I’ll have something for you in the coming days.

Hugs and love till then…

I’m With You

“I’m With You”

I’m standing on a bridge
I’m waiting in the dark
I thought that you’d be here by now
There’s nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I’m listening but there’s no soundIsn’t anyone trying to find me?
Won’t somebody come take me home?

It’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I… I’m with you
I’m with you

I’m looking for a place
I’m searching for a face

Is anybody here I know
‘Cause nothing’s going right
And everything’s a mess
And no one likes to be aloneIsn’t anyone trying to find me?
Won’t somebody come take me home?

It’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I… I’m with you
I’m with you

Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I’m just out of my mind
Yeah-he-yaa, yeah-he-yah, yeah-he-yah, yeah-he-yah, yeah!

It’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I… I’m with you
I’m with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I… I’m with you
I’m with youTake me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I… I’m with you
I’m with you
I’m with you…

Permanent Sunset (For Rosemary)

A beautiful gift from my loving husband on Valentine’s Day, one of many but definitely the most special…

Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day everyone, we’re off to a candlelight dinner.

Trauma Central

sunsetYou are my permanent sunset.
The day’s most precious moment
frozen in time,
forever capturing your effulgence
as it basks in blazing brilliance,
bathing me in its gilded glow.
Such luminosity is a rare beauty,
an allure that robs shadows of their menace,
softening them into charcoal counterpoints
to the amber tinge that suffuses my soul.
A unique radiance such as this
cannot just be seen;
it must be held,touched… experienced.

And so I run to you
as you remain suspended upon the horizon,
turning the vastness of the world
into a mere black line, its only importance
the framework upon which its sits
within your muted beams.
Yearning to meet you, to meld with you,
I reach out, rewarded with the moment
you shroud me in warm tones of purple, orange, and pink…
your most dazzling display.
It is only then I ask you,
beg you even,
to resist…

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