The BEBs or Big Ego Bitches

We’ve all met these assholes. Gawd, they’re a fucking pain in the ass. These bitches make you fantasize about violence, which is annoying because I’d much rather fantasize about eating a never-ending Chocolate Nutella Torte without gaining a single pound. Am I right?

Hello Lover:

But I can’t do that because I have some stupid bitch and her ego to deal with and so do you! These fucking Bebs ruin shit for the rest of us. They normally go after good guys, play all sort of mind games, ruin them and leave them for a bigger and more financially solvent catch. These women are often personality disordered, though, they are just as often just annoyingly stuck up and entitled. Don’t get it twisted there are some Big Girls who have big overinflated egos too.

What’s the difference between being self confident and being a Beb? Self confidence means you have a good yet realistic opinion of yourself. You believe you have worth and value. A Beb is given to talking about herself. She’s vain, boastful, and opinionated. She says shit like: I’m not mean, I’m honest or I’m a maneater. She is indifferent to the well-being of others. Basically, she’s a selfish little bitch and when you meet her the desire to slap the shit out of her is nearly uncontrollable.

Now we have a population laced with men damaged by these Bebs and women with low self esteem damaged by unrealistic societal standards, trying to find men and women who they think will save them from a pit of despair. Women want a perfect Prince Charming and men want a Cinderella with porn star blow job skills. And me, I just want to have my Chocolate torte, a sturdy fork and my naked, sexy husband fucking me so hard I burn off every single calorie before we leave the kitchen.

 

 

Who do you think is gonna have the best chance at success? I’ll give you a hint…it’s me! Why? Because I learned a long time ago that Fairy Tales aren’t real and so I know I can’t eat a never-ending torte and not gain weight unless I burn off an equal number of calories. Enter this man: Hot, sexy, bearded with tattoos and lots of muscles. He’ll give me the workout I need to enjoy an afternoon of indulgence.

None of us are perfect, what we should be seeking is not some Fairy Tale Prince or Princess but an imperfect human that has qualities and values similar to us. An imperfect but perfect for you- human being, that’s your goal. It’s not going to be easy because we all have our own baggage wain loaded full of damage from our pasts but it can be done.

A Few Universal Rules for Love

Don’t try to change the person you love, accept them as they are and help them, if they ask you, to better themselves because they want to not because you require it.

Drop the magical thinking. Marriage/relationship will not make someone suddenly suitable. If they have personality flaws you don’t like, accept them as they are or drop them. You can’t “change them”.

The first 6 months of every relationship is a “honeymoon”. This is NOT the whole person, this is as good as it gets and it likely won’t stay this good – all the time.  We all put our best faces on and our best feet forward, in the beginning. The real person? You’ll meet them by end of your first year together. Don’t rush the wedding….

😉

 

 

 

Blow Jobs! The Big Girl’s Guide To Oral Sex (part 2)

Here we are…and you’re wondering is this post for men or is it for women? Both, really. I’m going to cover briefly what men should do if they want their woman to give them head. Then I’ll talk about how to give a good one and that part is for the Big Girls.

Men:

You like a good blow job (lots of sucking, ball play and other tricks), heck, let’s be honest you’d like a mediocre one (lick, lick, jerk, jerk…no balls, uh uh) if you can get it, am I right? 😉 So, you want your woman to put your penis in her mouth but she won’t or won’t do it often. Why not? There could be a few reasons and I’m going to tell you what they are, so you can change the frequency of oral sex in your life.

Scent:

Women love a man that smells good. I’m not talking cologne or after shave but those are nice. I’m talking clean. We like a clean, fresh and sexy smell. You’ve been gone all day, showered early and you still smell nice and so you think, “I want some head” . What hasn’t crossed your mind at all is that an entire days worth of sweating and pissing…may have taken a toll on the scent of your dick. It has. There is no way around it, it has. Your balls are now on the musty side and your penis tastes like a salty dog after all that urinating. Some women, a small minority of women, are okay with that.  Some girls will put anything in their mouth and if you have such a gem, congratulations! (See your doctor regularly, though) The rest of us will find a pair of musty balls gag inducing and there is simply NOTHING sexy about a woman gagging or retching on a man’s penis. You want a nice BJ? Shower before if time permits or use a baby wipe/soapy washcloth to freshen the area – AFTER you piss. Then she will happily gobble you up endlessly until you finish.

Hair:

MANSCAPING!!!!!!!!! Please, pretty please trim up your genital area. You don’t have to shave yourself bare but clean it up a bit. It reduces the sweat issue, lowers the musty factor and keeps us from gagging on long pubes that get stuck in the back of our throats.  We’re not asking for the moon but we are asking for a bit of consideration. You won’t be sorry.

Ladies:

Do not be intimidated when it comes to giving your man head, even if he’s packing walking stick. You want to be able to give a man pleasure of the oral variety for many reasons and not the least of which is…he really wants you to do it.  It’s sexy as hell and it can really increase the sexual stimulation for you. It’s actually a very pleasant experience if he follows the above directives on personal grooming and hygiene.

Hands:

We’ve all heard the “lick it like an ice cream cone” bit. It’s true, that works and if you do that, he’ll like it and it may be enough to make him cum. But you can add elements to make it better than okay, which is all that will be if you just lick it like an ice cream.  Use your hands as an extension of your mouth and throat, you’ll want a nice tight grip on the base of his shaft. Then wrap your mouth just a bit below the place where the head of the penis connects to the shaft so your lips meet your fist, and move your mouth and hand in a rhythmic motion. Take it inch by inch and don’t try to shove it all down your throat unless you know you can.

Head:

Pay a lot of attention to the head region. Kiss it, suck it, lick it and rub it across your mouth. Keep your eyes locked on him as you do it. It’s an added turn on for him to watch and hotter if he sees the excitement in your eyes as you adore his cock with your lips.

Balls:

Don’t ignore these babies. Use a hand to caress them as you are working his shaft. Lick and kiss your way down and lick and suck them gently into your mouth.  Also, that little area between his balls and anus…lick and probe there too. 😉

Extras:

Try humming while he’s in your mouth to create a vibration, he’ll enjoy that. Also, suck some ice or use flavored sex gel, whipped cream, honey or something like that, slather it on and lick him clean. Don’t use anything acidic or spicy, that will not be sexy – it will hurt and kill the mood. I just read about using a grapefruit…my husband hasn’t consented to that one yet, so I can’t say for sure if it’s a good one to try but you can read about it here.

To Swallow or Not:

Personal preference. If you don’t think you can, ask him to tap you out. If you can then do, it makes a man feel complete when he cums in your mouth. Of course, he may not give you a choice because he may cum quickly or want to finish by banging you – that’s great too.  Don’t ruin the moment, just go with the flow…literally. 😉

The most important thing I have to say about giving a great blow job is this:

WATCH YOUR TEETH!!!  Don’t use them unless he asks and if he does…GENTLY!!!

 

That’s it for today!

As always, if you have a topic or a suggestion/question you’d like me to address, email me: rosie.ribner@gmail.com

Going “Downtown”! The Big Girl’s Guide To Oral Sex

Yes…Oh God, yes!!!! Who does not like oral sex? If you are reading this and thinking “I don’t”, my question would be why the heck not? Seriously, Big Girls, having your partner spend some quality time in your lady bits with his tongue and fingers can be heaven, if they know what they’re doing. You need to allow yourself to enjoy it and that isn’t always easy, especially for a Big Girl. On the other hand, maybe they don’t know what they’re about down there…what then? That’s what I’m covering today… two topics in the area of going downtown. How to both enjoy oral and what to do if they don’t know how to get you off.

How can I sit back or lay back and enjoy a trip downtown?

When you can’t relax and enjoy sex be it oral or otherwise, it’s usually because of some hang ups. What hang ups can a Big Girl have when it comes to oral?

Being on display:

Spread out and naked can make a Big Girl with some confidence issues really uncomfortable. Two things to keep in mind when a man wants to do this is that HE WANTS TO DO THIS TO YOU. That means: you turn him on and more specifically YOUR BODY TURNS HIM ON. He wants to look, he wants to taste and he wants to please you.  Say that to yourself a few times and get used to the idea. Men are very visual and if a man has chosen a Big Girl, it’s because he is attracted to her body. Let him look, touch and taste it. There is no better feeling in the world than having your partner show you how sexy you are to them. Let him!

Smell:

Every human on the planet has a unique scent and that includes your lady bits. It’s a natural pheromone and unless there is something wrong or you haven’t bathed, it’s a good thing.  If your man wants to go downtown and you are not just stepping out of a shower, then take a moment to freshen up a bit. Sweat and bodily functions can give your natural scent an unwanted kick, you do not want your lover to get a nose full of that. Grab some baby wipes or female fresh wipes and give yourself a quick swipe. If you have an infection or you smell fishy…no go. Take care of your health, keep that vag squeaky clean and it’s a go.

You just can’t cum that way:

Unless there is something really wrong and I mean structurally non-functional and you just don’t ever orgasm, even when masturbating… you can cum that way.  If you have never done so, there are likely two causes. The first being something I mentioned above was in your head and you couldn’t relax and simply enjoy the act. You should have nothing in your head besides the moment and what you are feeling. Negative thoughts will freeze you and prevent you from enjoying sex, in general. The other is my next topic, so keep reading. 😉

What can I do if he doesn’t know how to eat my pussy?

Teach him. You’ve got all your demons under control and you want him to give you oral. He does and nothing, nada, nyet. He can’t seem to find your clit any better than Mr. Magoo in the dark. Now what? You don’t want to hurt his feelings, so you say nothing and maybe even give him a sympathy moan.

DON’T DO THAT!

The whole reason his face is down there lapping up your snatch is because he wants to please you, make you cum and get you ready for his entry. Or he wants you to reciprocate. Either way you are doing both yourself and him a disservice by not helping him out. You can do it two ways, first you can verbally call out directions. That can be hot, dirty talk and really enhance the experience as well as helping him, help you, cum like a geyser. Example: Lower baby, higher, yes, there, don’t stop, harder, put two fingers inside me, faster, etc. You get the picture.  The other way is to move your ass where you need it to be. Literally grind yourself on his face. Is he just a pinch too low, tilt your pelvis so your clit hits his tongue and then grab his head and hold him there.  Gently use your thighs and knees to keep him in place and then move your pelvis up or down as needed. You’ll be moaning for real in no time flat and he will get harder than Stonehenge by your responses to his efforts.

So, that’s it for now. Next I’ll tell you how to suck the chrome off his hood like a pro. I mean, sex is a two way street and if you want him to pleasure your bits with oral, you should always try and return the favor. 😉

 

 

Update:

What do you do if he doesn’t want to go there? Ask him why. It is either because he’s not sure what to do or your pussy looks like a jungle. If he won’t give you a direct answer, it’s likely that the unkempt nature of your nether region is putting him off. Rare since most of us trim the trim but if you are going natural, you may want to invest in a bikini wax or a good razor and landscape that area. It’s not sexy to gag on hair, don’t waste an opportunity by not keeping things tidy. 😉