Tag Archive | FA

How Do You Have Sex When You’re Fat?

Seriously, it’s not much different than having sex when you’re not fat. It’s mostly about approach, sometimes you need to make accommodations but really it’s a mindset more than anything.

You can’t enjoy sex if you’re mind isn’t in it. So, how can you get your mind in the right place? First, realize when someone wants to have sex with you, it’s because they want you. They know what you look like, you’re not fooling anyone into thinking you’re much thinner than you really are despite the girdles, Spanx, chronic sucking in of your gut…they know how you look and you look 1000 times better in their eyes than your own.  We magnify our flaws so we usually see ourselves in a worse light. I don’t know how many times I’ve pointed someone out to my husband and said, “I like her outfit and it looks good on her.  Since we are about the same size it should look good on me.” Only to have my husband tell me that I’m insane and that I see myself as much larger than reality. Not that it’s a big deal, I am comfy in my skin but it just proves that we all have a bit of body dysmorphia.

The bottom line is this, if someone wants to bang you, it’s because they are attracted to YOU. They want to see YOU NAKED. It’s a turn on not a turn off, stop hiding.

Depending on how big you are and how big your partner is, some positions won’t work without modification. No problem! Fucking modify that shit. There is a product on the market called the Liberator Wedge. I’ve not tried it but I might because it looks kinda awesome.  The most important thing about having sex while fat is that you ENJOY it.  I have a few rules that I have lived by and you should too regardless of your size.

  1. Don’t have sex with someone who puts you down
  2. Don’t have sex with someone ashamed to be in public with you
  3. Don’t have sex with someone who wants you to change who and what you are.
  4. Do have sex with the lights on and blankets off.
  5. Do wear sexy lingerie
  6. Do try new positions
  7. Do believe you’re sexy when someone tells you that you are
  8. Don’t dismiss or diminish compliments when given to you

This is a tip for FAs (Fat Admirers):

Don’t make it all about the fat

This is where a lot of fat admirers, whether they claim the identity or not, fuck up immediately. A lot of fat people, particularly fat women, have a hard time believing that someone could be sexually attracted to them. If someone comes along and is then only sexually attracted to their fat, well, it comes across as creepy. Coming across as creepy does not (except in some subcultures) generally result in you getting laid.

Being attracted to fat bodies is awesome. But if your lover thinks they are a stand in for just ANY OLD FAT BODY, that’s depersonalizing and not sexy (unless you’re both into that). Make it personal — if you love my fat belly, tell me you love MY fat belly and why.

Note: If you’re with a person because you love that person and you are not sure about their fat, that is a valid thing for you to feel. But it’s going to be tricky to navigate. Don’t be afraid of touching your fat lover’s body. Figure out what you love about the experience. Never, ever say, “I never thought I could enjoy sex with a fat person.”

The most important thing to remember about having sex when fat is to focus on what you’re feeling and not how you look. Nothing feels better than being loved and making love. Go with what’s happening and enjoy!

 

Happy Hump Day!

How to Date a Fat Admirer

The list all of us Big Girls have always wanted and NEEDED. My husband, an unabashed FA from way back, put a list of rules on how to successfully date FAs.

Insecurities from years of ridicule caused many of us Big Girls to make the same mistakes with men over and over.

Take this advice and go out and find love!

Trauma Central

Yesterday, my wife linked the post “How to Date a Fat Girl” by blogger Adipose Activist. In her manifesto, Adipose lists her eight ironclad rules that she believes men must abide when dating – or trying to date – fat women. While I agree with her for the most part – most men don’t know how to talk to women in general – I felt that fat women might also benefit from a few rules for dating fat admirers, aka “FAs.” It should come as no surprise that I’m a big girl lover from way back; my wife’s blog is The Big Girl’s Guide, for crying out loud! Anyway, in my dating experiences, I’ve noticed a few annoying traits that many of BBWs continue to indulge in … even when they should be long past these immature “stages” mostly associated with our teenage years and early…

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I Am Not A Fetish

I am a woman, I am a sexual being and I am a curvy BBW. The books will say that anyone who finds me attractive is perverse and has a “fetish” because I do not conform to the “societal norm of attractiveness”. Here’s what I say on that, when more than 2/3rds of Adult Americans over age 20 are considered overweight and more than 1/3rd are flat out obese, maybe it’s time to reconsider what may be the “societal norm of attractiveness”.

I’ve always been a big girl and I’ve never had a problem attracting men. I may have just been super lucky in finding a shit ton of fat fetishists but I doubt that.  I suspect that it’s been more often the case that men have picked me not because of my thickness but many times despite it. Self confidence is usually the driving force behind attraction. While there are definitely men who find fat sexy, why is that any different than men being “boob men”, “ass men” or lovers of blondes, brunettes or redheads? It’s not, it’s a preference. Calling sexual attraction to curvy/thick/fat/large women a fetish is simply another way for society to ostracize and shame people. If you think I’m hot, you’re a fucked up pervert. Nice, right?

Fuck you, society and all you judgmental psychologists. Sexual attraction to inanimate objects is one thing but to another human being? What the fuck ever!

My husband may be a bit of a pervert (and I thank the good Lord for it daily!!) but it’s not because I’m a big girl, it’s because I’m a sexy bitch and he’s damn creative! Woot! Woot!

So, in closing let me just say that sexual attraction between humans varies and as long as it’s all consensual, there isn’t a damn thing wrong with any of it. Trying to suggest that someone is abnormal for having a healthy sexual appetite is a form of shaming the world can do without.