Seriously, it’s not much different than having sex when you’re not fat. It’s mostly about approach, sometimes you need to make accommodations but really it’s a mindset more than anything.
You can’t enjoy sex if you’re mind isn’t in it. So, how can you get your mind in the right place? First, realize when someone wants to have sex with you, it’s because they want you. They know what you look like, you’re not fooling anyone into thinking you’re much thinner than you really are despite the girdles, Spanx, chronic sucking in of your gut…they know how you look and you look 1000 times better in their eyes than your own. We magnify our flaws so we usually see ourselves in a worse light. I don’t know how many times I’ve pointed someone out to my husband and said, “I like her outfit and it looks good on her. Since we are about the same size it should look good on me.” Only to have my husband tell me that I’m insane and that I see myself as much larger than reality. Not that it’s a big deal, I am comfy in my skin but it just proves that we all have a bit of body dysmorphia.
The bottom line is this, if someone wants to bang you, it’s because they are attracted to YOU. They want to see YOU NAKED. It’s a turn on not a turn off, stop hiding.
Depending on how big you are and how big your partner is, some positions won’t work without modification. No problem! Fucking modify that shit. There is a product on the market called the Liberator Wedge. I’ve not tried it but I might because it looks kinda awesome. The most important thing about having sex while fat is that you ENJOY it. I have a few rules that I have lived by and you should too regardless of your size.
- Don’t have sex with someone who puts you down
- Don’t have sex with someone ashamed to be in public with you
- Don’t have sex with someone who wants you to change who and what you are.
- Do have sex with the lights on and blankets off.
- Do wear sexy lingerie
- Do try new positions
- Do believe you’re sexy when someone tells you that you are
- Don’t dismiss or diminish compliments when given to you
This is a tip for FAs (Fat Admirers):
This is where a lot of fat admirers, whether they claim the identity or not, fuck up immediately. A lot of fat people, particularly fat women, have a hard time believing that someone could be sexually attracted to them. If someone comes along and is then only sexually attracted to their fat, well, it comes across as creepy. Coming across as creepy does not (except in some subcultures) generally result in you getting laid.
Being attracted to fat bodies is awesome. But if your lover thinks they are a stand in for just ANY OLD FAT BODY, that’s depersonalizing and not sexy (unless you’re both into that). Make it personal — if you love my fat belly, tell me you love MY fat belly and why.
Note: If you’re with a person because you love that person and you are not sure about their fat, that is a valid thing for you to feel. But it’s going to be tricky to navigate. Don’t be afraid of touching your fat lover’s body. Figure out what you love about the experience. Never, ever say, “I never thought I could enjoy sex with a fat person.”
The most important thing to remember about having sex when fat is to focus on what you’re feeling and not how you look. Nothing feels better than being loved and making love. Go with what’s happening and enjoy!
Happy Hump Day!