Tag Archive | fat

Sex Mistakes Women Make: The Beginning

A while back I wrote a couple of pieces on the mistakes that men make during sex with women. Now I want to cover mistakes that women make when fucking men. What? Women make mistakes? That’s crazy talk right? I mean what could we possibly do wrong? Plenty. I’m only going to cover three of the biggiest.

Mistake #1 – Initiating sex

You don’t do it. You simply don’t initiate any action at all. You wait until he wants it and if he doesn’t want it when you do – you get upset. Unless you’re dating a psychic, he’s not a fucking mind reader. You need to be a less passive partner. Men like to know they are desired by you as much as you like knowing you’re wanted by them. Despite the bravado, which is often a front – men can be a bit insecure as well. Let them know you want to fuck their brains out and it will make sex hotter for both of you.

Now you’re thinking…great how do I do that?

Use your words, your eyes, your body and leave the mind reading for the shysters.  Tell your man you want him in his hear or text him while he’s in the room with you, show him by talking dirty and caressing him thru his pants. I send dirty stories starring me to my man to get him heated up while he’s working. Then I’d text him naked pics of myself so he’d be hot and ready to go by the time he got home from work. Plenty of times “Hi honey, I’m home” didn’t get said until after he blew a load. sexting-3_0.png

Whatever it is – the key is to DO SOMETHING. If you are at home you can show him by avoiding Mistake #2.

Mistake #2 – Hiding Your Body

Men are visual – much more than women. So the thing that you should absolutely be doing is GETTING NAKED in front of your man. Stop focusing on all your flaws real or imagined  and try really hard to remember one very important thing. The man you are hiding your body from wants to fuck your brains out. That means he’s hot for you and your body. Nothing will get a man harder than actually seeing what you are covering up. So seriously…stop doing that!!! Show him the goods. Flaunt your body. Undress slowly. You can initiate sex by simply disrobing in front of him while staring into his eyes and smiling. Fuck him with the lights on and stop telling him all the reasons you are not hot. It’s a turn off. Shut your mouth, peel off your clothes, walk over to him and kiss him. He’ll take it from there.

Mistake #3 – Experimentation Vapors

You’ve been together for a while and your honey says to you – let’s try something new. You are not under any obligation to say yes, especially if what he’s suggesting turns you off. But you don’t need to freak out and start a fight over it either. Also, suggesting something new isn’t an insult to you, so don’t take it that way. It’s actually a compliment. It means that he feels comfortable enough with you and your relationship, that he’s willing to open up about other things that turn him on. Again, you are under no obligation to try it but you definitely should consider it unless it sounds super painful or the idea completely turns you off.  Relationships are a two-way street – and if you want him to do for you, you should be willing to do for him too.

The most important thing to remember is not to make him feel bad about opening up to you.  If you do, he’ll stop opening up and your relationship will eventually fizzle.

So there you have it some of the biggest mistakes women make with men in the bedroom.

Arousal for women begins in the brain but for men it begins with the eyes… they are more visual than women. It doesn’t make them less than us, it makes them different. So our approach to satisfying a man has to be different than their approach to satisfying us.

Hopefully you all understand how to start the process and now understand that for men, sex does not start in the bedroom, it starts wherever you  initiate it. A man will fuck you up against a brick wall if you let him….so tell him that you want him to do just that !

 

Why Fat Shamers Are Delusional

The Fat Shamers are out en masse in 2016. They tell themselves and everyone who might listen that they are doing it for the good of all us poor, sad fatties! We need help, they tell themselves because we are too stupid to understand how fat and disgraceful we are. We’re saving their lives! Obviously, they don’t know they’re fat – and they’re too stupid to read a scale, watch tv or listen to their doctors…so we’ll shame them into fitness!

News Flash Assholes: Shaming people rarely has a positive effect, you’re not saving anyone’s life by ridiculing them – you’re more likely driving them to eat and actually gaining more weight. You want to Fat Shame someone? Fine! Own it but don’t try and convince anyone else that you are doing it for a greater good. You’re doing to feel morally superior and because you enjoy hurting people, especially weak people, not helping them. You obviously have some major insecurities causing you to seek redress with someone you feel is more deserving of ridicule…more deserving than you.

I have heard some of the stupidest reasoning behind fat shaming. My favorite was that the Fat Acceptance movement is somehow requiring/demanding that men change their innate desire and find fat women hot. Wow…you really think our big, fat bodies could actually make that leap?

You are D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N-A-L!

Fat Acceptance is first and foremost about people ACCEPTING and LOVING themselves for who and what they are. How insanely criminal, right? Secondly, it’s about allowing us to live our life how we choose to live it — without ridicule.

It isn’t about you fat shaming assholes at all, I mean, it’s not a miracle movement. It most certainly isn’t a movement that is demanding that anyone actually change what they find sexually appealing. We actually need very little help in that regard. There are more than enough people (men and women) who actually find thick, chubby and fat sexy. You don’t and we’re fine with that. I don’t find insecure little assholes sexually attractive either – so it’s a win-win, as they say.

In closing, I would just like to say that this is a big world and we should all be able to live in peacefully and we should all be treated with respect. If you want to be a fat shaming asshole, be the best fat shaming asshole in the world…I support you! But don’t be a liar. Don’t lie to yourself or try lying to the rest of us about why you do it…because we know why and it’s not about being helpful. It’s because you’re an insecure person who thinks that self-confidence comes from bloviation and bluster. It doesn’t, you know…you have to find that inside yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’d Be So Pretty If…

“You’d be so pretty if you lost some weight” … I can’t tell you how many times I heard that one while growing up. So I’d like to dedicate this piece to all those “helpful” souls who offer this advice to their chubby friend/sister/daughter/cousin/co-worker/whoever.

Telling us we’d “be so pretty if …” is NOT FUCKING HELPFUL! What you’re really saying is that we’re NOT pretty. You’re telling us that our worth is based only upon our weight, and we’re NOTHING unless we conform to what YOU believe is “normal.” In other words, you’re NOT helping, not one bit.

You’re NOT the first person to tell us that we’re fat. WE ALREADY KNOW! All you’re doing is killing what little self-esteem we have. If we’re foolish enough to listen to your “advice,” we’ll be allowing you to treat us like shit because we think that we deserve it. We’ll also end up fatter, lonelier, and more depressed, causing us to take stupid health risks and have risky sex in order to regain some semblance of our shredded self-esteem. News flash: being fat does NOT mean we deserve ANY of this!

I listened to this advice and it fucked my mind up something fierce. I thought of myself as something less than human, unworthy and unlovable. I blamed my weight for everything that went wrong or didn’t happen as I wished because I never thought there was any other reason. This made me close myself off from people, causing me to be unapproachable. Assuming no man would find me attractive, I used humor as a shield from their perceived rejection. This caused men to view me as aloof, and THAT was why they didn’t approach me!

As I got older, I continued to blame my unhappiness on my weight, even though it was never the problem. I put damn near every man that was interested in me in the friend zone because I did not believe they saw me as worthy. My self-loathing was boyfriend Kryptonite and I became very cavalier about men. I never gave any man more than two dates … often less. Sometimes I just randomly made out with guys at bars, took their numbers and didn’t call. I was afraid of being hurt, so I gave no one a chance, and I used them so they wouldn’t use me.

I eventually decided I should marry because I did want a family. Naturally, I chose someone who found my weight to be a problem. I’m not going to bash my ex-husband because we have two sons together and are on good terms. Really, my own belief that I was less than is what led me to choose that path. I think on some level I did this because I figured that would motivate me to finally be thin. It didn’t. You should not ever be with anyone who doesn’t think you are all that and then some; it’s a dumb thing to do. He should have chosen someone else, and I should have too.

Considering all the mistakes I made, here’s some advice that will actually help my fellow big girls: Be yourself. Love yourself. Tell yourself daily that you are awesome, beautiful, and sexy and eventually, you’ll start to believe it. It took me 40 years and plenty of tears to realize what I should have always known – that I’m beautiful, sexy and a damn good catch – and I write this with the hope that I can reach someone and help them get their self-esteem sooner rather than later.

Just remember, you’ll be so pretty if … you ignore the opinions of others and simply believe it’s true!

 

 

 

Weight Obsessing and Why It Sucks

I, like most women, have been obsessing about my weight for the majority of my life. It started for me around the age of 10, yes 10. That was the age when I was made aware by others that I wasn’t skinny.  I was tall and played sports, so I was muscular. My weight was higher than the other girls who just played barbies but looking back – I was definitely not fat.  Naturally, I dieted like crazy and basically set into motion a lifelong struggle with my weight because of that constant yoyo dieting.

It is a miserable existence to be so obsessed with your weight. I look back and think of all the great things I said “no” to because of my weight, which wasn’t even bad. Weight became the only thing that mattered to the exclusion of all else. I wouldn’t go places because I worried that I looked too fat, I wouldn’t eat at parties, even if I was starving, because I was afraid people would judge me.  A big chunk of my life was unhappy because I was worried about my weight.  I’m certain that I am not alone in this. I’d wager that a large portion of the population, here in the U.S., has done the same thing to themselves. I see people still doing it.

I decided that enough was enough. I’ll never be skinny, trust me I’ve tried, it’s not my body type. I’m an hourglass and no matter how small I get my waistline, I’m destined to always have a big ass, thicker legs and a big rack on top. So, I chose to embrace it, rather than damn the fates and continuing to limit my existence to what will and won’t affect my weight. Wanna guess what happened?

I became happy in my skin. If I eat too much my pants get snug, when I don’t they get looser. I have no clue how much I weigh but when I look in the mirror, I like what I see and that is all that matters! I’m a sexy bitch and I’m really good with that. I get plenty of winks and approving glances from men (and some women as well). Not that I need those cat calls and smiles but it reaffirmed for me that I was right to stop obsessing so much.

We have only one life to live, do you really want to spend it denying yourself every single little pleasure that life has to offer?

What Do You Do When Someone Insults You?

There is no worse feeling in the world than having someone you care about take a very personal shot at you. Words hurt, that’s just a simple fact. If someone chooses to hurt you, it says plenty more about them than it does you. You may want to look at why you want someone in your life so willing to inflict pain. On the other hand, meaningless people try hard to hurt with words too but you can and should let those insults bounce off you and move on. People, no matter who they are, that need to insult you on such a deeply personal level do so because their self esteem is in the toilet. They see you and are SEETHING with envy and jealousy.

I had a fairly recent experience with a woman in her mid to late 30’s taking a shot at my age and my looks. I’ve actually never had any issues with my age nor my looks. I didn’t freak when I turned 30, I had a great 40th and as I tick down the next 3.5 years to 50…I feel absolutely fucking AWESOME about who I am, how I look and where I am in my life.  I’m sexy, fat, beautiful and loved.  I don’t need to tear anyone down and at this point in my life nobody can tear me down either. I also don’t need to take pictures at weird angles to hide my true self. I look at the camera dead on – that’s me in every picture I use as a background. I’m good with me. 😉

Don’t allow bitter and jealous people to tear you down. Recognize them for who and what they are – unhappy, insecure and unable to have a real connection with another person.  In short, miserable. Ignore the haters, don’t respond, don’t let it get into your head. Walk away or look at them and laugh. Seriously. I had some crazed woman call me fat and tell me that I should eat more salad and less cheeseburgers.  My response was simply:  “Bitch, I’m fine being fat and I fucking LOVE cheeseburgers. I’m good”.

As long as you are good with you, that is really all that matters.

Feds Wonder Why Fat Girls Can’t Get Dates

The NIH was awarded nearly a half a million dollars in grant money to find out why Fat Girls date less and have more risky sexual behavior than their thinner counterparts.

The National Institutes of Health (NIH) awarded a $466,642 grant last week for the study, which will examine whether social skills have an impact on why obese girls have fewer dating experiences than their less obese counterparts.

“Mounting evidence demonstrates that weight influences intimate (i.e., dating and sexual) relationship formation and sexual negotiations among adolescent girls,” the grant’s abstract states. “Obese girls consistently report having fewer dating and sexual experiences, but more sexual risk behaviors (i.e., condom nonuse) once they are sexually active.”

Are you fucking serious? I’ll tell you for free and I don’t need to take a survey or conduct a study. YES, being fat fucks with your social skills and self confidence. Society at large tells us that fat people are fucking worthless, so, yeah that’s gonna have an impact on the little things like self esteem. A lack of self confidence will affect a person’s social skills making it harder to approach someone or allow someone to approach you.  Guys that are the “pick up artist” type prey on women with self esteem issues and fat girls are at the top of that list. Desperation to be accepted and loved makes these chubby chicks sexually reckless.

There it is in a nutshell. Total cost to the Fed Govt – $0.00. Now go cure Cancer, fund Autism research…do something more than waste money on studies that won’t affect a damn thing. You can’t force people to be nice, you can’t force people to stop Fat Shaming and you can’t force people to be self confident.  Let those of us who know how it feels, help those of us in need…

/Rant

 

Why I Hate Stupid Losers Who Can’t Get Laid…

keep-calm-and-ignore-this-losers-3I read a very flawed and ridiculously stupid blog post titled “Why I hate fat girls: Tipping the dating scales” written by 20 Nation. In it, he actually blames fat girls for thin chicks being too stuck up to give him a chance.

Fat girls are tipping the scale

The reason for the sexy girls being so stuck up is simple. When a girl is fat, she is no longer attractive to 99.9% of men. This means that the only guys chasing after her are the mythical “chubby chasers” or lower value guys (that don’t really want them, but are out of options.)

This means that 99.9% of men are desiring a now dwindling percentage of skinny girls. Now from those skinny girls there is a percentage that aren’t hot. So 99.9% of guys are now desiring an even smaller percentage of women.

This means that those women  that are hot are going to be fawned over, put on pedestals, sucked up too and hit on ALL THE TIME by 99.9% of men. Now there are some guys that don’t have the courage, confidence or game to go for the hot girls, but even they will usually say something awkwardly obvious to girls like these.

The result?

Hot girls in fat countries are stuck up

Because of an unnatural amount of guys sucking up to them and fawning over them, these women start to believe they are gods gift to planet earth; they think that their dating market value is much higher than it really is.

Then there is the fact that there should be more hot girls walking around, but those hot girls have turned themselves into Jabba the Hut. Many of these fat girls would actually be stunners if they took care of their body. If they did that, the small amount of hot girls wouldn’t get so much attention from so many men and the world would be a better place.

There is more, oh so much more. I laughed at the stupidity of his arguments. Seriously, it’s my fault and the fault of all the other BBWs and SSBBWs that he can’t get laid? Motherfucker, I get laid all the time. I’ve never had any problems getting laid despite that scientific figure of 0.1% of men thinking I’m fuckable. I must be a Chubby Chaser Chupacabra magnet because I’ve had so much dick thrown my way, in my lifetime, that if I’d said yes to all of them…I wouldn’t have had the time to marry twice and have 3 children because I’D STILL BE FUCKING THE LINE UP OF MEN INTERESTED IN BANGING ME!!!!!!

So, FUCK YOU LOSER. It’s not my fault you can’t get pussy. It’s not my fault you have masturbatory arthritis. It’s not my fault you need to invest in urns of lotion to slap your fucking limp dick.

IT’S YOUR FAULT, you dumb fuck.  Learn how to talk to women and stop blaming others. You might want to try to date in your league and it appears that Supermodels may not be the way to go.

Good Night!

(HT:The Tracks at Christie Road )

Facing The Past

Yesterday, while visiting my in-laws, I came face to face with my husband’s ex-fiancée to whom I was happily introduced by my MIL. The whole situation is a weird one. My MIL is buddies with this chick and despite the fact that my husband and I have been together for nearly 7 years (married 5 years this October), she’s still hoping for a reconciliation.  This is the kinda shit that sitcoms are made of and as a fan of sitcoms, I play along whenever I can.

Here’s the thing, I am not the least bit intimidated meeting or confronting ANYONE. EVER. I’m even less intimidated meeting any the women from my husband’s past. Maybe not everyone feels this way, maybe some of you don’t feel as comfortable facing the past of the person you are with but you should. These bitches are in his past for a reason. I could give a million gooey, lovey reasons why you should not be intimidated. For example: you are the NOW, his one and only, the one he chose to be with, to marry, the love of his life and so on. Those are all good reasons to not feel intimidated but they won’t work if …you are the least bit insecure, right? Insecurity will make you draw comparisons and fuel the insecurity fire. You’ll look at the list of past hopefuls and immediately determine which ones you are prettier than, which ones you are thinner than, smarter than, better boobs than, better ass than, etc…ultimately you will stumble across one or two that you come up short on…and then what? FEAR!!!! OMG! She’s prettier, sexier or whatever….he’ll want her back if he sees her. He’ll see that you are not as awesome as her!!!

In the height of your insecurity breakdown, you forgot that he is with you. He chose you, not her. There’s always going to be someone who is younger, prettier, sexier, smarter….those are not the reasons you build a relationship on. Those are the appetizers, not the main course. The main course includes things like loyalty, ability to love, companionship, common interests, kindness, affection, and a host of other things to which those superficial things are added. That makes up the whole person and not every pretty package has the important staples. Without the staples, you might, if you’re lucky, have 6 months of good to great sex and a shitty everything else. Relationships built on outward appearance alone are WORTHLESS. If you believe you are in a relationship with someone so shallow that you could lose him to someone else based on a set of “tremendous boobs”, then get out of that.  Seriously end it because you have nothing and if that’s the case…what exactly do you have to fear when facing the past of your man? Nothing! You can’t lose what you don’t have and if what you have is a great relationship – the past matters not.

This appears to be something my MIL doesn’t understand about my husband. He’s not with me for shallow reasons and he won’t dump me for them either.  If we split it will be because something either went missing or was fundamentally broken between us. It will not be for an ex who treated him like he didn’t matter, like he was nothing more than an endless supply of funding.  It doesn’t matter that she’s 9 years younger than me, more than a few pounds thinner or possibly has bigger tits (I’m a 38G, at some point, one more inch isn’t shit). She’s still a fucking cunt and that tends to overshadow the superficial shit.

Don’t be afraid of facing the past. If your present is on solid footing the past is not going to cause you any trouble and if your present is NOT on solid footing…better find out sooner rather than later when it will be much more painful. You may be wondering how that meeting went yesterday. It went fine, I said a boisterous hello and smiled like I just won the Miss Universe pageant and she was like a deer in headlights who scurried the fuck out as fast as her legs could carry her. 🙂

I say to all the women who came before me…

Namaste bitches!!

How Do You Have Sex When You’re Fat?

Seriously, it’s not much different than having sex when you’re not fat. It’s mostly about approach, sometimes you need to make accommodations but really it’s a mindset more than anything.

You can’t enjoy sex if you’re mind isn’t in it. So, how can you get your mind in the right place? First, realize when someone wants to have sex with you, it’s because they want you. They know what you look like, you’re not fooling anyone into thinking you’re much thinner than you really are despite the girdles, Spanx, chronic sucking in of your gut…they know how you look and you look 1000 times better in their eyes than your own.  We magnify our flaws so we usually see ourselves in a worse light. I don’t know how many times I’ve pointed someone out to my husband and said, “I like her outfit and it looks good on her.  Since we are about the same size it should look good on me.” Only to have my husband tell me that I’m insane and that I see myself as much larger than reality. Not that it’s a big deal, I am comfy in my skin but it just proves that we all have a bit of body dysmorphia.

The bottom line is this, if someone wants to bang you, it’s because they are attracted to YOU. They want to see YOU NAKED. It’s a turn on not a turn off, stop hiding.

Depending on how big you are and how big your partner is, some positions won’t work without modification. No problem! Fucking modify that shit. There is a product on the market called the Liberator Wedge. I’ve not tried it but I might because it looks kinda awesome.  The most important thing about having sex while fat is that you ENJOY it.  I have a few rules that I have lived by and you should too regardless of your size.

  1. Don’t have sex with someone who puts you down
  2. Don’t have sex with someone ashamed to be in public with you
  3. Don’t have sex with someone who wants you to change who and what you are.
  4. Do have sex with the lights on and blankets off.
  5. Do wear sexy lingerie
  6. Do try new positions
  7. Do believe you’re sexy when someone tells you that you are
  8. Don’t dismiss or diminish compliments when given to you

This is a tip for FAs (Fat Admirers):

Don’t make it all about the fat

This is where a lot of fat admirers, whether they claim the identity or not, fuck up immediately. A lot of fat people, particularly fat women, have a hard time believing that someone could be sexually attracted to them. If someone comes along and is then only sexually attracted to their fat, well, it comes across as creepy. Coming across as creepy does not (except in some subcultures) generally result in you getting laid.

Being attracted to fat bodies is awesome. But if your lover thinks they are a stand in for just ANY OLD FAT BODY, that’s depersonalizing and not sexy (unless you’re both into that). Make it personal — if you love my fat belly, tell me you love MY fat belly and why.

Note: If you’re with a person because you love that person and you are not sure about their fat, that is a valid thing for you to feel. But it’s going to be tricky to navigate. Don’t be afraid of touching your fat lover’s body. Figure out what you love about the experience. Never, ever say, “I never thought I could enjoy sex with a fat person.”

The most important thing to remember about having sex when fat is to focus on what you’re feeling and not how you look. Nothing feels better than being loved and making love. Go with what’s happening and enjoy!

 

Happy Hump Day!

Don’t Get Stuck On An Adjective…

You are more than just your outward appearance, more than just a physical description of your outer shell and that is all an adjective is…

My blog is written for Big Girls because that is what I am and have always been but most of what I say can be useful to anyone. No matter what you look like on the outside, be it fat, thin, chubby, medium, blond, brunette, redhead, tall, short, average…African-American, White or Latina; we all have insecurities to tackle and that is the driving force behind every post on this blog. The adjectives I use are irrelevant, so don’t get hung up on them.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept WHO you are and go from there, especially if you can’t change it.

Can a Big Girl lose the weight? Absolutely. Can you change your hair color? Sure. Can you change your race? Not bloody likely and I’ll be honest, while a big girl CAN lose weight it’s nearly as hard to do that and keep it off as it is to change your ethnicity.  It’s simply much easier to change your attitude and perception and that is my ultimate goal. Love yourself for who and what you are and you will then allow others to love you too.

Yesterday, my husband wrote How to Date a Fat Admirer. In it he gave a short list of rules you should follow to be successful in the realm of love.  As I suspected, there were some readers that took exception to his use of the adjective “fat” to describe the women he was speaking too. The title was self-explanatory, he is and always has been a man who finds BBWs sexy. He’s dated all kinds of women, all shapes and sizes but at the end of the day his preference has always leaned heavily (pun intended) towards us curvy, fat chicks. It’s what he likes and he is not ashamed of it. I certainly appreciate the Hell out it, I’ll tell you that. There has been nothing more refreshing and amazing than being with a man, who, loves the one thing about you that you’ve been told your entire life has made you UNWORTHY of love.

His biggest struggle with dating and loving BBWs is that some of them have made him feel like there was something WRONG with him for being attracted to THEM! Does that sound rational? It isn’t but that’s what happens when years of self-loathing meet up with genuine attraction. It’s like the Clash of the fucking Titans. You want to be loved for who you are and when you meet someone willing to do exactly that – YOU SHAME HIM FOR IT.

I get it. You want to be loved for your mind and not just as a sex object. What makes you so fucking special and different than every other person on the planet? 😉 Human beings start off most relationships the same way – mutual attraction. Seriously, it took me nearly 10 years to realize Brad Pitt could really act…I’d never noticed that before. Sorry Brad, your hotness is distracting.

The reality is that you want to be loved ONLY for who you are on the inside because you’ve been told over and over that who you are on the outside is not worthy of being loved. So, naturally, if you meet someone, who, finds you attractive and sexy…there must be something wrong with them. There isn’t anything wrong with them, they just know what they like and they are confident in that knowledge. Don’t make them feel the same thing you’ve been made to feel your entire life…ashamed for who they are.

Love yourself, accept yourself, change what you don’t like but start with the shit on the inside because being fat is not your problem…it’s a symptom.

Self-loathing is your problem. Fix that and then you’ll know that you are worthy of love and you’ll stop driving people away. Oh and for fuck’s sake – make love with the lights on, your clothes and blankets off!!! How do you expect to achieve all FOUR types of female orgasm if your partner can’t see anything or access anything besides your damn pussy. By God, he won’t be able to eat you out properly, if he can’t see what he’s about! 😉

Think about it…