Tag Archive | fetish

Sexual Fantasies

Is your sex life boring? Do you wish you could spice it up a bit? Maybe your sex life is great but you want to add other elements to the mix.  Perhaps you just want to keep things humming along nicely. Maybe you are just super perverted, like me. Whatever your reasons for wanting to change things, what do you do?

Fantasies. Dirty little sexual thoughts that we think about when we’ve got nothing else to do.

We all have them, some are buried so deep we try and pretend they aren’t there. We worry that if we speak them out loud we’ll be looked at like some freak, even by the person we love the most.  Here’s the thing though, one person’s fantasy/fetish could be his/her partner’s: “Oh God, yes please!!” moment.  You won’t ever know until you find a way to spill the beans.

So, how do you tell someone what turns you on? How should I know? I’m still holding some of my kinkier kinks back. 😉 It’s a process and while you should be in a relationship with someone you trust before you tell, the irony of things like sexual fantasies is that it’s often EASIER to tell a perfect stranger what your deepest, darkest secret is. Why? Because they don’t know you well enough be judgmental and if they are you can just walk away from them, who gives a shit, right? Not so with a committed relationship, if they judge you… it fucking hurts. On the other hand, if they love you and are committed to you, then shouldn’t they accept you for who you are without reservation? Wouldn’t that include being accepting of your sexual desires?

Yes…

It should and I’m not necessarily talking about acting out the fantasies. Sometimes all we need is to be able to share them, some can’t really be done. I mean how am I gonna get my husband to be a pirate on the high seas who raids my father’s ship, kidnaps me, tears my gown to shreds and ravages me in his pirate lair? He can’t but we can pretend and chat about it and allow ourselves to become immersed in the “story” and then…get naked and do an extended version of the mattress mambo.

Some fantasies can be reality but even if they aren’t gung ho about acting them out, just talking about things could be enough to ignite a spark back into a dulled romance. If you’re really lucky, your partner will hear you out and say, “yes ma’am, I can do that” and luckier still if he shares some with you that makes you wet yourself. You won’t ever know until you give it a shot and open up.

So…back to the big question: HOW DO YOU TELL THEM????

Answer: Read them this blog or send them the link with a note that says after you read this – let’s talk.

Why the heck not? Now I’m off to get my corset fixed…it got ripped last night. 😉

Happy Saturday Folks!!

 

I Am Not A Fetish

I am a woman, I am a sexual being and I am a curvy BBW. The books will say that anyone who finds me attractive is perverse and has a “fetish” because I do not conform to the “societal norm of attractiveness”. Here’s what I say on that, when more than 2/3rds of Adult Americans over age 20 are considered overweight and more than 1/3rd are flat out obese, maybe it’s time to reconsider what may be the “societal norm of attractiveness”.

I’ve always been a big girl and I’ve never had a problem attracting men. I may have just been super lucky in finding a shit ton of fat fetishists but I doubt that.  I suspect that it’s been more often the case that men have picked me not because of my thickness but many times despite it. Self confidence is usually the driving force behind attraction. While there are definitely men who find fat sexy, why is that any different than men being “boob men”, “ass men” or lovers of blondes, brunettes or redheads? It’s not, it’s a preference. Calling sexual attraction to curvy/thick/fat/large women a fetish is simply another way for society to ostracize and shame people. If you think I’m hot, you’re a fucked up pervert. Nice, right?

Fuck you, society and all you judgmental psychologists. Sexual attraction to inanimate objects is one thing but to another human being? What the fuck ever!

My husband may be a bit of a pervert (and I thank the good Lord for it daily!!) but it’s not because I’m a big girl, it’s because I’m a sexy bitch and he’s damn creative! Woot! Woot!

So, in closing let me just say that sexual attraction between humans varies and as long as it’s all consensual, there isn’t a damn thing wrong with any of it. Trying to suggest that someone is abnormal for having a healthy sexual appetite is a form of shaming the world can do without.

How Do You Make Him Give Up Porn?

Queenofallevil,

My husband has a porn addiction and it’s ruining our marriage.He watches it all the time and he’s always looking at porn sites. I hate it. I don’t want to make love with him because I know it’s not me who is exciting him. He says he enjoys it but it is not the porn that makes him horny, it’s me. I don’t believe him. He’s always been into it but once we married, he should have stopped.  It’s like cheating! Help me, please. I need him to understand. How can I make him stop?

I’ll be really honest with you, it’s not porn that’s ruining your marriage, but you might be. You have a problem with porn, obviously. He watched it BEFORE you married him and you still married him? You say marriage should have made him stop, but did you make it a condition of marriage? If yes, and he agreed, then you have a problem. BUT, if you didn’t, and I kinda doubt that you did, then the problem rests with you. Marriage is not some magic balm that changes a person into the perfect specimen because you decree it.

Porn is NOT cheating. There are probably a million people wishing their ex watched porn rather than banged someone outside the marriage.  Porn is looking at naked people or watching sexual acts. Cheating is engaging in the behavior. I can watch firefighters put out a fire, that does not make me a fireman. It makes me an observer.

Put on your big girl pants and ask yourself what is really the problem with the porn? I think it’s more about you being insecure than anything else. Insecurity unchecked will destroy your relationship … eventually. You asked him and he told you that you turn him on. Believe him. I’ll tell you what it likely is. He probably has a fantasy or a fetish that he is not comfortable sharing with you and maybe he gets that fix from what he’s watching. We all have something, and we are scared someone will think we’re weird or a sicko, so we keep it buried.  I have one and after being with my husband almost 7 years, he does not know it. I have not had the courage to confess it, I’ve come close but alas … no cigar. Heck he told me one of his only recently!!!

Why not try this: instead of giving yourself the vapors, ask him to watch his porn with you.  He will either be elated that you want to try that with him or he’ll be compelled to tell you what he’s been hiding. Whatever the case, remember that you love this man and chose to be his wife. Don’t judge him, love him.

Now to be 100% totally fair, I will say that there can be a problem with porn viewing. Is porn replacing YOU? Is he watching porn rather than choosing to be with you? Has your sex life slumped but his viewing of porn increased? Do you feel as if you’ve been replaced sexually by porn and/or his online activity? If any of these are what’s happening, it’s a problem. I didn’t get the impression from your email that any of these situations were the case.

If they are, please, email me back, rosie[dot]ribner[at]gmail[dot]com – I will write another post to cover those question because that answer is VERY different than the one I gave here.