Tag Archive | Goddess

How Do You Handle Disappointment?

Dear Queen,

What do you do when you try to be sexy but your man is not in the mood? It’s so disappointing and it makes me want to wither up and just die of shame.It makes me scared to try and be forward again.  My husband was in a rotten mood and just wasn’t really responding. He tried a little, I’ll give him that but mostly not. I felt awkward trying to seduce him with flirting and sexy emails and worse when he just basically rejected me. I was so hopeful but now I’m just crushed.

We’ve all been there, trust me, and it is a very crushing feeling. Rejection, indifference or even a lackluster response can make even the sturdiest ego waver for a bit. Allow yourself some healing time, there is nothing wrong with what you’re feeling, it’s normal. Don’t have sex when you feel this way, take a bit of time to let your wounded ego heal. Why? Because the sex won’t be good for you, if you have rejection in your head. You need to clear that out. Fake cramps if you must but don’t have sex while you feel bad about yourself.

You said he was in a rotten mood, unless he was upset with you, I wouldn’t take the rejection too hard. I know…easier said than done. When you’re hurting you won’t see anything rationally but in a day or so you will and you’ll realize that his mood was the problem; not YOU and not your attempts to seduce him. It was just bad timing. I want you to look in the mirror and say this mantra 20 times every single time you use the bathroom:

I am a sexy, unstoppable Goddess. my man is thoroughly seduced.

In a few days, I want you to try again. You know that old saying about getting back on the horse? Well, saddle up and try again. Make sure you ask him how he’s feeling and how his day has been going. Get a solid read on his mood before you start flirting. If he’s fine, then go for it. If not, pick another day or wait and try later if things improve with him. Don’t give up on him or yourself. Let your inner Goddess out and you will not regret it.

 

I hope this helps.

Goddess or Doormat

Pablo Picasso famously called women either Goddesses or Doormats and through the years many have tried hard to define which was which. I find it simpler to just go with the obvious and look at the dictionary.

Goddess: a female god or a woman whose great charm or beauty arouses adoration; a woman who is adored or idealized, esp by a man

Doormat: someone who is treated badly by other people and does not complain. Someone who allows others to use them and toss them away when they finish.

There are many women walking around believing themselves to be Goddesses when they are nothing more than doormats.

So, for all you ladies out there, I am going to focus on doormats since this tends to be the thing we allow ourselves to blindly become.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do you give more than you get?
  • Do you sacrifice and accommodate to please because you fear losing your man’s love?
  • Do you get super excited and subtly or overtly design your life around your man- becoming too available?
  • Do you compromise your values to keep his love or put your dreams aside?
  • Do you put his needs before your own and believe that by fulfilling him – he’ll be loyal, giving and desirous of you?
  • Do you allow him to use you for sex (real or virtual) knowing he is married?
  • Did you become the “other woman” only to be tossed away like garbage when the affair was discovered?

If you answer yes to even one of those, you are currently or have been some man’s DOORMAT.  There are ways to take back your power but the first step is realizing that you or rather your lack of self esteem is the problem.

You can never be a Goddess with someone who treated you like a doormat unless you repair yourself. Truthfully, why would you want to be with someone who treated you like you didn’t matter? The answer is you don’t but you do want to stop attracting men who see you as their next target. How do you do that?

Stop believing you’re unworthy, stop thinking that you can’t do better, stop looking at your flaws and telling yourself that you can’t have what you want because you’re fat now, had a shitty childhood, you’re ugly, you have children. Don’t mistake being a vengeful angry bitch with being a strong Goddess. Goddesses don’t need to be angry nor vengeful, they don’t need to be a bitch, they don’t need to be “maneaters”.  That’s insecure thinking and behavior. The male equivalent to this is what we call an Insecure Beta.  Insecurity is what caused you to be a DOORMAT in the first place. Treating men like shit does not make you strong, it makes you weak and sets you up to be used by a stronger personality. A truly secure person wants the same in a mate. They won’t allow themselves to be used, to be 2nd best, to whore themselves for some payment be it money or some other golden nugget. A secure Goddess will not tolerate being treated poorly, they demand better or they walk away with their dignity.

You need to build yourself up, to believe you are worthy and wonderful. To look at your reflection and see the amazing, sexy, beautiful and unique creature that you truly are. Tell yourself everyday that you are until you start to believe it.

Everyone has baggage. Everyone has things they carry and I’m not saying that you should only be with someone who is perfect. You should choose your equal though. You need someone who gives you their shoulder, as often as you give yours. A person who wants to fulfill your dreams, wants and desires as much as you want to fulfill theirs. A person willing to work hard through life’s bumps rather than runaway. Someone who would run into a burning building to pull you out, as you would for them. Someone who will not allow others to treat you poorly, someone who will stand up for you and defend you against your attackers….as you would for them. Someone who will both love and respect you. Someone who will forgive you as you forgive them…as none of us is perfect.

That’s what you should want, that’s what you should have and that is what it will be, if you are a Goddess.