Tag Archive | open marriage

Open Marriages…Why?

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately by loving and committed couples who have open marriages. I don’t get it, no, let me re-phrase that. I don’t understand. I’ve thought long and hard on it and while I do understand why some couples have open marriages, I don’t understand why any couple who is in love with their spouse would choose to be open.

I am not a closed-minded prude by any stretch and I’m not judging anyone’s choices but this one boggles the shit out of me. Again, I am referring to people who say they are in LOVE with their spouse. I can come up with a few scenarios that make sense as to why any couple would choose to open their marriage. The first being that one of the participants is a prolific cheater and despite that the couple wants to stay together for financial reasons or because of their children or because marriage is a commitment and they still love their spouse despite the bad choices . Then it would make sense to make things fair and allow both to have their cake and eat it too. Another reason may be that one of the participants can’t or won’t have sex and it’s not fair to deny their loving partner something as fundamentally necessary as sex.  Other than that, I’m kinda stumped.

Why would you be in a marriage with someone who can’t or won’t actually commit to you? Sex is such a deeply personal thing. For women more so than men, sex is a very emotional thing. We need to feel something besides lust to have sex or at least convince ourselves that we do. I’m sure plenty of women will say bullshit to that but I’m not saying all women. I’m saying for most women, there are always exceptions. I’m just really trying to understand why people choose this route.

If you feel like you need to sow your wild oats, then sow them before you make the commitment to marry. If you need to spice up your love life then try new things with your partner. It’s not like you can’t talk to your spouse because if you couldn’t then bringing up opening your marriage would not be on the table.  I’m really having a hard time understanding how anyone in a good and stable marriage could do this and it not negatively impact your commitment to each other.  How can it not drive a permanent wedge between you? Can you really be okay knowing that the person you love and married is fucking another person or multiple persons?

Help me out here, what am I missing?