Tag Archive | shaming

How to Date a Fat Girl.

I like this list but I have a couple problems with it. The main problem I have is with Number 1. Being fat is not an easy thing but being a man who loves fat women can’t be much easier. They get teased, shamed and looked down upon for their desires too. When a man on a dating site uses a moniker that indicates he likes BBWs, don’t shit on him for it.

Bottom line is this – when we meet someone and start dating it is usually BECAUSE we find the outside package to our liking. We don’t know who you are on the inside and you don’t know us. Every relationship starts the same – I think you’re hot, you think I’m hot – let’s get to know each other better.

I’d prefer to know that the person interested in me – finds me sexy. I don’t want to guess and I don’t want to have to conceal my body and trick someone into seeing my appeal.

Why So Much Sex?

Someone asked me why I talk about sex so much.  I had about a half dozen answers that popped in my head before I responded. These are those thoughts:

  1. Because I like to have sex
  2. Because most people like to have sex
  3. Because I’m a grown woman and I can talk about what I want
  4. Because sharing recipes is for Pinterest and Facebook
  5. I really, really like sex (sorry sex on the brain)
  6. Why shouldn’t I?

The reason I talk about sex so much is because as a woman who has been a BBW for most of her adult life, I’ve struggled with wanting sex and not believing anyone would want to have sex with me. Low self esteem is a killer for BBWs and SSBBWs and many of us miss opportunity after sexy opportunity to get laid because of it. I want to help other women change that so they can enjoy a wonderful and healthy sex life.  One way to do that is to blog about sex and things you can do to improve your sex life.

It’s no fun being the girl that guys say they will fuck because there are no other options in the bar that night. Don’t believe you deserve to be THAT girl. Low self esteem allows these losers to prey on women and those women think that’s all they’re going to get so they allow themselves to be used as a last minute one night stand.  I want Big Girls to know and believe that they are beautiful, sexy women and that men do want them and would be proud to be seen with them.

The best way for me to get the message out is to talk about my life, my past and my present. My present includes a lot of sex because I found a man that loves me and finds me to be both beautiful and sexy. He adores my body… my big, curvy and yes, fat… body. How can I make it clear to other women like me, if I don’t talk about it? People can say whatever platitudes they want but I have experience and that experience is what gives hope.  I mean who would you rather take advice from: the chick who tells you that you’d be so pretty if or the fat chick who gets laid 3 times a day by her sexy husband and tells you that YOU ARE ALREADY HOT and men want you?

I didn’t have anyone tell me that there were men who loved big, curvy women 20+ years ago when I needed to hear it. There also weren’t as many guys who admitted it as freely as they do now…because society shamed them too.

That’s why I talk about sex and those other reasons I listed.  Sex is great and we need to shed the shame and enjoy it!



Fat Shaming

Fat shaming is something ALL Big Girls experience, some men experience it but I think on a lesser level. Women are always judged on a superficial level, hence the higher incidence of shaming that comes our way. So, what exactly is fat shaming?

Weight stigma and bias can be:

  • practical (for instance, medical equipment or seats in most public places that are too small to accommodate obese persons);
  • verbal (such as insults, ridicule, teasing, stereotypes, derogatory names, or pejorative language); or
  • physical (such as bullying or other aggressive behaviors).

In some cases stigma results in discrimination, such as employment discrimination wherein an obese employee is denied a position or promotion solely or primarily due to aesthetic revulsion at his or her appearance, despite the individual being appropriately qualified.

Most of us hear the “helpful” derision from people who are supposedly only looking out for us, but they aren’t doing that. They are using that as an excuse to make themselves feel better, to make us feel like shit or simply because they are assholes.

I was recently accused of fat shaming someone because of something I wrote in my post on how to find a mate. What I said in the post was advice and not shaming someone because of their weight.  To recap:

My husband has a FB “friend” that does this and it’s pretty laughable. Her pictures all suggest that she should be a small girl but in person she’s probably pushing 300 lbs. There is NOTHING more dishonest than that. Use good angles but not to the point that you are actually dishonest about what you really look like.

That is about being HONEST about who you are and be accepting and proud of it. It had nothing to do with her weight and everything to do with being honest when using dating sites.  If you lie, you and whomever you meet will be very disappointed. That’s not fat shaming, that’s INTEGRITY.

The best part of the whole thing is that I WAS NOT even referring to the girl who got upset with me but that’s the problem with insecurities and low self-esteem…you always see an insult, even when there isn’t one and you always think it’s you being insulted. The girl is NOT friends with either my husband or me. Though I did at one time think I could be friends with her at some future point, she made it clear to me that we can’t with a very strange message full of crazy untrue accusations and lots of projection. I hope she reads my post on insecurity and checks that demon that is controlling her imagination and emotions.

Here’s the bottom line, I would NEVER shame another person because of their weight. I’ve had it done to me and it fucking hurts. I would not attack someone based on the package they come in, I look within the person and judge them by what they say and do. That tells me who they are…you can put a turd inside the most beautiful package and it’s still a piece of shit, right?

Look for the gems and don’t judge the area you mined to find them.