Fat shaming is something ALL Big Girls experience, some men experience it but I think on a lesser level. Women are always judged on a superficial level, hence the higher incidence of shaming that comes our way. So, what exactly is fat shaming?
Weight stigma and bias can be:
- practical (for instance, medical equipment or seats in most public places that are too small to accommodate obese persons);
- verbal (such as insults, ridicule, teasing, stereotypes, derogatory names, or pejorative language); or
- physical (such as bullying or other aggressive behaviors).
In some cases stigma results in discrimination, such as employment discrimination wherein an obese employee is denied a position or promotion solely or primarily due to aesthetic revulsion at his or her appearance, despite the individual being appropriately qualified.
Most of us hear the “helpful” derision from people who are supposedly only looking out for us, but they aren’t doing that. They are using that as an excuse to make themselves feel better, to make us feel like shit or simply because they are assholes.
I was recently accused of fat shaming someone because of something I wrote in my post on how to find a mate. What I said in the post was advice and not shaming someone because of their weight. To recap:
My husband has a FB “friend” that does this and it’s pretty laughable. Her pictures all suggest that she should be a small girl but in person she’s probably pushing 300 lbs. There is NOTHING more dishonest than that. Use good angles but not to the point that you are actually dishonest about what you really look like.
That is about being HONEST about who you are and be accepting and proud of it. It had nothing to do with her weight and everything to do with being honest when using dating sites. If you lie, you and whomever you meet will be very disappointed. That’s not fat shaming, that’s INTEGRITY.
The best part of the whole thing is that I WAS NOT even referring to the girl who got upset with me but that’s the problem with insecurities and low self-esteem…you always see an insult, even when there isn’t one and you always think it’s you being insulted. The girl is NOT friends with either my husband or me. Though I did at one time think I could be friends with her at some future point, she made it clear to me that we can’t with a very strange message full of crazy untrue accusations and lots of projection. I hope she reads my post on insecurity and checks that demon that is controlling her imagination and emotions.
Here’s the bottom line, I would NEVER shame another person because of their weight. I’ve had it done to me and it fucking hurts. I would not attack someone based on the package they come in, I look within the person and judge them by what they say and do. That tells me who they are…you can put a turd inside the most beautiful package and it’s still a piece of shit, right?
Look for the gems and don’t judge the area you mined to find them.