I hear a lot of complaints from girlfriends and other women online about being in a slump. A sex slump. Everyone has a slump and every slump is different. If you normally have a solid sex life, a slump for you could be only having sex 2 or 3 times a week. If your normal is 2 or 3 times a week, your slump could be once a week or once every 2 weeks. My husband and I are freaks or so we’ve been told. We had a slump that lasted a few months and our slump meant sex only 5 or 6 times a week. We were both working like crazy, under tremendous stress and strain and shit happens. Our normal is around 16 times a week, often more, rarely less.
Barring a medical condition that is causing some sort of sexual dysfunction, here are some ideas to try and fix that slump.
Sex is a very important part of a marriage/relationship and you need to figure out what is a healthy amount for both of you and do all you can to achieve that level. It’s rare that both participants want the same amount, so a compromise needs to happen. Let’s say he wants it daily but that’s too much for you, you only want it 3 times a week. He will be hanging tough getting less than half of what he feels he needs/wants. That’s not going to be healthy for your relationship. A good compromise would be 5 times a week – 2 more than your wish but 2 less than his. There are many reasons to have sex even if you aren’t feeling it in the moment. The first is that after a few minutes of foreplay, unless your pissed at him, you’ll likely be in the mood and then you’ll be glad you said fuck it. The second is sexual intimacy is a MUST for a good relationship, if one of you is feeling really deprived it will start to drive you apart.
What if you want it more than he does? That can get tricky because having sex or making love is tougher if the man is the one not in the mood, since he must rise to the occasion. Women can use products to help them along but if your man is healthy, the right mood is required for lift off. So, you need to get him in the mood. Here’s what you should NOT do, if you want to encourage your man to give it up:
- Don’t bitch at him about anything!
- Don’t say snotty things or rehash past fights
- Don’t re-evaluate the state of your relationship
- Don’t try to guilt him into it
Any one of those things will keep Mr. Happy…Mr. Limp. Try a bit of seduction. Put on something sexy and start rubbing his shoulders or scratching his back. You want to relax him so that his mind is focused on you. Once he’s starting to relax, start moving your hands from relax mode to excite mode and turn that massage into a series of caresses. Still behind him, focus your attention on his erogenous zones, start gently kissing his neck, his ears and move around to his mouth. Come forward and straddle him. Now start stroking and caressing his front while continuing the mouth assault. Use your mouth to follow the path your hands took until you’re face is resting between his legs. Move in for the blow job, just don’t get too carried away and finish him. 😉
Do what you can and just remember this: Divorces are the only relationship that is 50/50 and that happens in court, successful relationships require 100% from both of you. If you don’t give it your all, he won’t either…then what?