How Do You Find A Mate?


Manhunting tips …or better yet let’s say Mate hunting.

“Dear Queen of All Evil,

That was fun to type. LOL How can I find a guy? I’m a big girl, like a really big girl, I make you look like a small girl. I want a normal guy not one of those guys whose into fat women, you know? How do I get a regular hot guy?”


Wow, where do I begin? I guess I should start by saying that you, in typical womanly fashion, are asking for the impossible. (Men do it too and it’s fucking annoying) You want a man but you don’t want the type of man that would find you attractive. Why? Don’t you shit on yourself enough? You want a guy to help you out? This makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. That’s like a Gay man saying he wants to find love but not with a Gay man…a straight one.

What’s the point?!?!?!?!?!?  Why do we do this to ourselves?  Why desire someone that will not desire you back? My guess is that you are either not ready for love or believe you don’t deserve it. Either way, it amounts to the same thing – you aren’t emotionally ready to find someone. If you think I’m wrong, keep reading. For the record, you also obviously don’t know how it feels to make love with (or just fuck) someone that will worship your body and that is not something that will happen with a man who isn’t “into” curves. Trust me, honey…you want a man who likes your body.

Men, like women, come in all shapes, sizes, levels of hotness, and most importantly what they desire varies. There is no stereotypical “chubby chaser”. In fact, in most polls, men prefer curvy women to thin women across the board.  One man’s “2” is another man’s “10”; so do not assume you’re too fat or too anything for anyone.

Now there are many ways to go about finding someone but you must not only want to find someone but your behavior has to match your desire. Have the right attitude, put positive energy out, be honest about who you are and what you want and be open to believing that you are desirable.

The first step to believing you are desirable is to ALWAYS put your best self out there. Shower, make up, hair, good scent and clothes that fit and flatter. Play up your best features, if you aren’t sure which are best…ask a friend.

Attitude will chase away the most ardent suitor. What do I mean? Do you have a friend that is a Debbie Downer? How long can you be around that person before you want to slit your wrists? What about the person that believes they are so amazing and perfect? How long before you want to punch them in the throat and stuff them full of high fat foods? If that shit annoys you, like it does me, then don’t do it to potential mates. It’s not cute to dismiss compliments with a wave and a “oh I’m not (insert compliment here)…I’m so fat/dumb/plain/ugly” If someone tells you something sweet, don’t call them a liar – smile and say THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you go out either alone or with friends be open to meeting people.  That means smile, give eye contact and be approachable.  Don’t go out with a large group of friends if you are looking to meet someone. Limit to one or two girlfriends and periodically step away from them to allow anyone interested in you a chance to approach.  A guy/girl won’t feel comfortable making an approach if you are surrounded by a gaggle of women or worse a mix of women and men.

If you decide to try dating sites, which are great if you’re busy or shy, be HONEST. Use current pictures and don’t do the “super high pointing down angle” selfie shot like many fat girls on FB use. That is not going to be the person a potential date will meet…use good but honest photos. It’s never a good thing to start a relationship off with a lie…

My husband has a FB “friend” that does this and it’s pretty laughable. Her pictures all suggest that she should be a small girl but in person she’s probably pushing 300 lbs. There is NOTHING more dishonest than that. Use good angles but not to the point that you are actually dishonest about what you really look like.  The wallpaper I use on this blog is actually me. I took that selfie a month ago. I used a good angle but I included enough of my body that you can clearly see I am curvy/thick.

Believe that you are desirable. Tell yourself everyday that you are hot and sexy, once you believe it, others will see it too.

Be honest with yourself and others about what you want and go after it. I’m pretty sure that is self explanatory. Really important note, don’t judge others by some weird checklist. Be open-minded with everyone you meet. You can’t turn an enchilada into an Administrative Assistant and you can’t turn a black-hearted, bitter Narcissist into the perfect romantic partner. Be realistic.  Never, ever settle. Date as many people as you can so you can be certain you found the best person for you and not the “best you could get because you’re fat”.

Here are some dating sites for Big Girls:

BBW Cupid

BB People Meet

Large and Lovely Connections

The Big and The Beautiful


Happy Hunting!!!!!


14 thoughts on “How Do You Find A Mate?

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